A silent contract was made when I reached the age of attempting adulthood. I would not smoke. I would take part in our democratic system with my vote. I would not adopt any more pets for the time being, and a tattoo was to only appear on my skin if it represented something I knew to be true. All these have stayed true, except the pet one. I have since adopted a bunny, a cat and a guinea pig named Gus since the enactment of said contract.
This contract was devised shortly after my 18th birthday during a retreat called Kairos.
Ancient Greeks have two words for time: chronos and kairos. Chronos represents a linear quantitative sequence of events. Kairos, on the other hand, is qualitative and nonlinear in its nature. Kairos is derived from the Greek word kara, meaning coming to a head. Kairos is a time for which all things come together. It manifests itself as an opportunity requiring one’s decisive action. Kairos is the indeterminate time in which everything happens. It is an advantageous moment for decision-making.
There is just one pre-requisite for kairos. That is to operate on a baseline of trust. This trust concept was completely foreign to me, but one that I had to believe and practice in order to take full advantage of kairos.
There was a reason why the integral theme of the retreat was “Trust the Process.” It took four years for me to realize the profound nature of these three words, and a tattoo of them shortly followed. Here is what I know to be true from the words now inked on my rib cage below my left breast.
To begin to trust the process, whatever process in which you find yourself, requires you to unravel your sense of complete control, something that I personally like to have. It is something that I think I have. It is something that I thought I was quite good at. Operating under a baseline of control, in the absence of trust, meant that a majority of my 22 years was spent as a Type A-Control Addict. Avoidant of faux pas, constantly putting out fires that didn’t exist and pleasing people who had no regard for my well being or future. Control meant always striving for a perceived perfection, but also exhausting my being in this futile pursuit.
Control, while good in some aspects of personal disciple and even hygiene, brings with it a host of pitfalls. These include, but are not limited to, anxiety about absolute results, expectations about the future and complete disappointment and frustration when things stray from your personal power.
Control is a draining state of mind, one that is often incongruent with the reality of the situation. Life often does not play out how you predicted or wanted it to. In fact, nine times out of 10, it will turn out better.
The more you attempt to control some aspect of your life is a telling reflection of your lack of trust in that same arena. This concept does not just translate into an individual experience though. It permeates group cultures, nations, relationships, actions, inactions, teams, decisions, truth seeking and truth telling.
You can decide what it is you want in life. However, the exact path towards such goal is out of your control. That path is the process. It constitutes the events, lessons, relationships, realizations, practices, risks, attempts and rejections. The process can be painful, joyous, mundane, seemingly useless, repetitive and often hilarious in hindsight.
The process is what prepares you for your opportune moment, your unique kairos.
Letting go of control feels like you are falling without a parachute. It is the sense that if you let off just a bit, all hell will break lose.
Putting trust into something outside of yourself is difficult beyond measure.
Often it is easier to just get it done on your own time, terms and choice style. To operate under this mentality repeatedly over years time can result in exhaustion, an inflated ego, heightened anxiety, less overall productivity and acute loneliness. Entrusting another to maintain the integrity of your work at the same time following through with their end of the deal is tough, but essential to any said process to work.
To get from opportune moment A to B is not a straight shot. Your process will take you to every letter in the alphabet. Whether it be a job, an internship or a certain status, there is a process to get from where you are and where you will be or know in your deepest heart deserve to be. Even if it is long and arduous, recognize that you will gain much more from the process than you will from the accolade that actualizes itself at the end.
It is during the process where you will be strengthened, where you will hone in on your craft. When you realize a kairos, you will be far prepared and confident to take full advantage of it. Just trust that your process prepared you for the moment and relinquish control of how it should be. Rather, awaken to what actually is.
All of the energy and effort you put into your research, your club, your sport, your relationship, your health, your event, your application, your final project, all have lead you to an opportunity of sorts. An opportunity where you can dive fully into its present reality.
When you have no idea what the hell is going on and you feel lost and out of control, trust that by the time you get to wherever you end up you will be far more prepared to handle it. You are enough. If it appears in your reality, it is not there by accident. If you take some time to reflect on your own life, you might just find that taking a past risk or putting trust into an unknown made it possible for your present and your future to happen.
Trust the process, Catherine.
Catherine White is a Trinity senior. Her column runs on alternate Thursdays.
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