OPINION
|
COLUMNS
Revelations 1:1: Finals suck
By Sir Elton Brand, Prince of Tennis | November 29, 2004SIR ELTON can’t believe there’s only one week until finals.
SIR ELTON can’t believe there’s only one week until finals.
SIR ELTON wants to thank the organizers of the Sudanese refugee camp movement for having such compassion and consideration.
SIR ELTON was thinking of being a total jerk this week, just to prepare for this whole Thanksgiving holiday you Americans have.
SIR ELTON was wondering why he talks about himself in the third person, and if that was some indication of him being a Neanderthal and if that was a result of his native country being more...
SIR ELTON enjoyed dazing through fall break, sitting comfortably numb on his ass while time caressed him and he watched The OC and popped Pringles by the case.
When the week goes by with perhaps zero percent excitement, SIR ELTON has to start pretending like fun stuff actually happened.
SIR ELTON realizes he loves to talk himself up in this column, psychoanalyze himself for the sake of no other than himself.
As someone that looks important due to his prime spot in the newspaper, where you can just see the headline after the crossword gets ripped out and the rest of The Chronicle gets ignored like the...