AI wrote this column and is now coming to steal your girlfriend. Humans are causing a mass extinction event. The world is burning. Boo. Whatever. No one reads The Chronicle. No one reads the anonymous satirist.
It is not possible to do this by accident. To experience everything takes at least ninety minutes.
In between all the talk about the latest news coming out of Duke athletics, I was able to form lasting friendships, friendships that will continue well after graduation.
"Why not," I said. I never did go to any other department meetings.
I’ve, without a doubt, enjoyed my time writing for the Duke Chronicle. Despite this, after I graduate, I’ll probably never write another music review again.
With our minds quickly switching to the next tab, moving onto the next big trend, our focus shifts horrifically easy.
Because as you will soon realize, to grow up and become who you were meant to be and not merely someone’s child, someone’s friend, someone’s sibling, you have to do life on your own.
Nearing the end of the semester — with graduation approaching for some — I suspect many students experience some mixture of fear and joy at the uncertainty of what lies ahead.
Clearly, we don’t owe a friend the same commitment as a boyfriend, but is a single 30-minute lunch once a week despite all else going on too much to ask?
Whether you’re reading this on a Monday night or a Thursday morning, it is absolutely essential that you and I engage in amazing and consensual sex before our planet is consumed by the biblically foretold devastation of climate destruction.
As Ozempic comes out of shortage, will patients and healthcare professionals be more responsible in rationing prescriptions to those who need them for medical over cosmetic reasons?
When we Duke students leave our big cities and subdivisions behind and then complain about Durham, we reek of the entitlement and prejudice that has soured our relationship with this city and earned Duke names such as New Jersey University.
“Being an employee does not necessarily make you an employee,” said the provost. “Nugget, the beloved canine who was arguably golden and sometimes appeared to retrieve things, was not necessarily legally a golden retriever."
Don’t call me a daughter, or sister, or friend; call me a victim of the NRA and the people who would rather protect their right to own an assault rifle than the lives of their fellow human beings.
The tears being shed in Nashville and the tears cried here on campus...are never wasted because every drop forms a pillow for your heart of love.
When the final curtain is drawn on Phantom in mid-April, it will not be an insignificant moment for Broadway. It is perhaps nostalgic for some, poignant for others and emphatically earth-shattering for a few.
The little voice in my head, engendered by years of wanting to be a lighter version of myself, still screams in repulsion when I spot a hint of hyperpigmentation on my skin.
Unlike in high school, freshmen realize after a couple of months that there’s no point in doing a club unless they’re either genuinely passionate about it, it will help them professionally or they’re applying to graduate school later on.
To say that comedy has to be funny is like saying visual art has to be pretty, or music has to be melodic.
The pressure that doesn’t come from campus, classes, professors, extracurriculars or parents comes from ourselves, and I believe that is what pushes us to sacrifice so much.
