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UNC strikes

(05/01/17 5:21am)

After years of sneaking into the establishment with the help of misguided Duke students they knew from high school, the hordes of UNC students finally lay claim to Shooters. Without a basketball team capable of penetration to defeat them, the state school’s capture of Durham’s #1 cultural site could not be prevented. Roy Williams initially ordered the establishment to be remodeled but, upon setting foot inside, immediately decided to have it razed to the ground. The alcohol which had soaked into every crack and crevice of the building over the years creates an inferno which can be seen from as far away as Raleigh. The UNC students rampage further down main street, burning down Devine’s, James Joyce, the Federal, and even the hallowed East Campus Domino’s Pizza. Since its existence inflicted more suffering upon Duke students than its potential destruction, Skewers was spared. 










Future DSG president Riyanka Ganguly wants DSG to be accountable to students

(04/19/17 3:58am)

Junior Riyanka Ganguly was elected Duke Student Government's next president in March. The Chronicle spoke with Ganguly about her plans for next year, including her ideas about student conduct, diversity and the surplus fund. This interview has been edited for clarity and length. 





He is Risen

(04/13/17 2:04pm)

With Easter rapidly approaching, the newly formed Holy Alliance has been busy. In between daily masses, the Crusaders train in secret to reclaim control of the Three Campuses. However, Bill Brooney realizes that he cannot do it alone; he simply does not have the numbers. As a result, Brooney seeks temporary allies. He first tries to parlay with Greek organizations he thinks may be sympathetic. A Holy Alliance emissary is sent to every organization not deemed too reprehensible, but only the Frayed-Tee Bros of Craven Quad respond. However, when Brooney arrives to negotiate the formation of a coalition, he finds only the ruins of what had once been the Frayed-Tee Bros section. It appears that the Women’s Housing Option had finally driven these propagators of male privilege into the ground.







The pursuit of wellness

(04/07/17 3:31pm)

Life as a Duke student can feel surreal—from morning rock climbs and lunches with Nobel laureates to nights cheering on the most storied basketball program in college sports, capped off with twilights in Perkins. With the surplus of opportunities on our campus far outpacing the number of hours in a day, many students are told early on to “pick two”: school, sleep, and social life. Forget about every achieving all three. As a result, personal health and wellbeing often take a backseat on campus, as students race between scholastic and social extremes.