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My outlet Dress Barn moo-moo

(12/01/04 5:00am)

As I drove back to Duke after Thanksgiving on I-95, passing by the lush, bountiful and exciting scenery that constitutes the southeastern seaboard, I came to several glaring conclusions, pieced together partially from a sea of billboards—one being that I can’t really give a convincing lie when I attempt to describe a cesspool. And that the marketing director for the “Repent for the End of Times is Here,” “Thank the Lord for Jeb and George Bush” and the “Stay at Plantation Inn” with a Confederate flag flying overhead billboards must be commended with a tall latte and okra.

https://www.dukechronicle.com/article/2004/12/my-outlet-dress-barn-moo-moo

America is Jessie Spano

(11/10/04 5:00am)

After watching one too many hours of VH1’s ’90s specialty shows, which is all that network has become, I had an epiphany. So bored and so anxious, mainly because my DirecTV wasn’t working and I only had basic cable, I entered a higher state of consciousness and had a vision sometime between “I Love the ’80s” and “I Love the ’90s.” I foresaw our future as a nation in the form of that Saved by the Bell episode where Jessie becomes addicted to caffeine pills.

https://www.dukechronicle.com/article/2004/11/america-jessie-spano

The final season

(09/01/04 4:00am)

My favorite part of the Blue Zone is how Parking Services ensures an abundance of spaces, especially toward the very end of the lot because they clearly understand that those of us who are fortunate enough to live off-campus enjoy an even further commute. Oh, but what’s even better than that is my arrival to West Campus, where I can no longer freely use my iPod without being subjected to the venomous stares and verbal bitch slaps of jealous iPod-less upperclassmen. Little do they know that this freshman, and by freshman I mean senior who bought his own baby blue-covered iPod, was already running late for class and hardly ready to start the year. Welcome to the final season of the Class of 2005.

https://www.dukechronicle.com/article/2004/09/final-season