Darty season is upon us! I’m sure everyone is sick and tired of seeing the same worn-out names scrawled across gallon jugs sloshing with unnamed liquids in every color of the rainbow. Use these Duke-themed BORG names to show your school spirit in a fresh, creative way!
- BORG-an Stanley: If I had a dollar for every time I see someone post on LinkedIn to flex an investment banking job offer, maybe I would have enough money to not envy their starting salaries.
- New BORG City: I hope you don’t have too hard of a time finding friends after college now that you’ve secured that shiny BORG-an Stanley job. Luckily, you will be joined by your entire graduating class in the Big Apple.
- Union BORG-sting: Death, taxes and Duke playing the role of cartoon villain. After all, the University’s $12 billion endowment is meant to be hoarded, not spent.
- The Empty Space Where Ro-BORG E. Lee’s Statue Used to Be: Rumor has it, if you visit the Chapel at 3:33 a.m. and say Confederate General Robert E. Lee’s name three times, the suit-wearing kid in your political science class will pop out from behind a pillar and start playing Devil’s Advocate.
- School BORG Ride to the Barn: Nothing says inclusivity, safety and community-building like hosting frat parties 40 minutes away from campus. Don’t worry about Ubers; there’s no cell service in the sticks!
- Im-BORG-ster Syndrome: What do you mean you don’t have seven published academic articles, four internship offers and fifteen executive positions as a freshman? That means you’re desperately behind and probably don’t even deserve to be at this school, honestly.
- Annual Five BORG-cent Tuition Increase: How else can we afford to have ice sculptures crafted live at every single event Duke holds?
- No more BORG-ing spots: Abandon all hope, ye who enter Blue Zone, because you’re not going to find a spot and will be late to class. And somehow, even if you don’t park your car, you will be ticketed.
- BORG-sonal Allergies: From the pink cherry blossoms to the yellow pollen coating every surface, from the birdsong to the echoes of aggressive sneezing, campus is so beautiful this time of year.
- Effortless BORG-fection: Duke’s favorite buzzword! We would love to find out what the hell it means someday!
Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back.
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