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In unprecedented move, professor to move discussion forum to Yik Yak

The Chomicle

Students in ISS 420: Media and Social Media were stunned when their professor Finn D. Heard suddenly announced that all discussion posts were to be made on popular app Yik Yak instead of Sakai.

When asked why he made the change, Heard shrugged.

“Frankly, it’s been boring since tenting ended and I want to see people fight,” he said.

Heard considered Gothicc Duke Confessions as an alternative platform, but he wasn’t convinced the moderators were responsive enough and figured that students not citing their sources at all would be better than someone submitting a Breitbart link.

Senior Procra St. Nation sees the policy as a no-brainer. “It’s probably the only way he’s gonna get people to do the discussions, anyway,” she said. “I spend more time on Yik Yak than anything else.”

The grading is simple, Heard told The Chomicle. Students will yak at a time that he decides on a whim—usually whenever he feels bored—and their grade will be based on the number of upvotes they get. “There’s a generous curve based on Yakarma,” he said.

First-year Connor Troversy doesn’t think it’s so generous. “It’s totally unfair and subject to the whims of cancel culture,” he groaned. “Everyone downvotes me when I’m just trying to bring more intellectualism into the space.”

At this, a student standing nearby during the interview turned their head. “Intellectualism?” they asked incredulously. “It’s a s**tposting app, dude. Why do you think there are so many fart jokes?”

Heard said he would rely on the honor system with regard to students upvoting and downvoting posts.

“I would hope students wouldn’t artificially inflate or deflate their votes to change their grade,” Heard said. “As we all know, the Community Standard is made of steel and has never been broken by a strong-willed student. Or even a weak-willed one. What’s that? You’re worried Yik Yak is hostile to selective groups? Well, that’s basically University policy at this point, so that’s above my paygrade.”

Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back.

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