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WaDuke residents complain about bad hot tubs, rude servants

Students living at the Washington Duke Inn are “like, so pissed off” about the conditions in their suites.

Sophomore Legga C. Admit noted that her servant forgot to add olives to her Monday morning martini. She told The Chomicle that her roommate, sophomore Ellie Bolton, dropped her phone in the jacuzzi while submitting a complaint that her steak and lobster were overcooked. 

Junior Icant Shootathree, a member of the men’s basketball team, told The Chronicle his hot tub jets were not strong enough. 

“They don’t help soothe my back muscles,” he said, “so now it’s harder for me to slap the floor and proceed to play horrible defense.”

Shootathree also complained that his servant did not bow down to him or rub his feet when presenting him with his Advil and Pedialyte on Sunday mornings. 

Admit also had a particularly jarring experience with a servant. The servant offered her bofa tea instead of boba tea. When Admit inquired about what bofa tea was, the servant replied “bofa deez nuts.”

When Admit reported the incident to her resident advisor, he replied “nice.”

Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back. 

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