UNC sees record class attendance for basketball players during coronavirus sabbatical

North Carolina finally has a virtual win, which is the best they can hope for from this season’s team.

Multiple sources claim to have seen an unnamed North Carolina men’s basketball player attending an introductory history course via Zoom this past week. It marked the first reported sighting of a Tar Hell hoopster in class in school history.

“I was so shocked when I saw [him], I didn’t know what to do,” said Michael Boredom, Silent Sam distinguished professor of history at UNC. “Not that I know what to do anyway—Zoom is a mystery to me. Hey, do you know how breakout rooms work?”

With students forced home during the coronavirus crisis, many college basketball players have been put out of a job. This was not the case for North Carolina, whose national championship ambitions died in early November. Nevertheless, the sudden appearance of the player surprised many.

“And I oop,” a fellow student commented via private Zoom chat.

According to students in what is now being referred to as “The Class,” the player put together several coherent thoughts on the War Powers Resolution and appeared to have completed nearly all of the pre-class reading.

When complimented on his answers by his professor, however, the player expressed confusion, asking, “What’s a slam dunk?”

“Needless to say, I was impressed,” Boredom said. “Normally I give the basketball players an A just for registering for the class, but this means I’m going to have to give a grade higher than an A. There is a letter before A, right?”