Maybe playing all that Mario Kart during your self-isolation is going to pay off, after all.
To drive up lost sales after this disastrous Spring semester, Duke’s iconic Italian restaurant, Il Forno, will be offering 50% off to anyone who orders in an Italian accent. Che figata! So brush up on some mafia movies and learn to roll your R’s for arrabbiata, parma rosa and rigatoni.
“I just think it’s funny to see the students do all those Italian hand gestures,” employee Tony Soprano said. “They look like Coach K yelling at the student section.”
Of course, this leaves the potential for even longer lines given how many students will be stumbling through their new dialect. However, sophomore Paz Taluver said it provided new opportunities and was a risk she was willing to take.
“I just have to remember not to get too angry and not to wave my arms too much when the breadstick they give me is small,” Taluver said. “Don’t want the police called again.”
To help get those discounts, here’s The Chomicle’s guide to a Duke-approved Italian accent:
- Leave out the “h” at the beginning of words. This means that Housing and Reclusive Life becomes “owsing,” which is how we’ve all felt with each new email they send.
- Change the “th” sound into either a “t” or a “d.” So the homework assigned each night would be “duh, homework,” or, everyone’s response when questioned by their parents what they’re doing on their computer for the rest of the semester (even though we all know you're watching this).
- Make sure you add in a lot of extra vowels. The more you add, the more you can hide the fact that your entire semester abroad in Italy was cut short.
Good luck or, for those who want to start practicing now, in bocca al lupo!
Editor's Note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case you couldn't tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Check out more Chomicle stories here, guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back.
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