Early this summer, Durham opened its doors to electric scooters. These public nuisances have become a hot mode of transportation on campus, rivaling even the alluring C3 bus. Unfortunately, some people have suffered injuries from electric scooters. (And they don’t even get free tuition from getting injured!)
Take this quiz to see if you can get to class on an electric scooter without getting injured.
- Where’s your class?
A. Science Drive
B. Engineering Quad
C. Abele Quad
D. East Campus
2. What kind of scooter are you using?
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3. Are you wearing a helmet?
C. No, but I’m going slow
D. No, but I’m using one of my hands to cover my head
4. A pedestrian crosses the street in front of your scooter. What do you do?
B. Slow down
C. Yell at them
D. Go faster
5. Where are you parking your scooter afterward?
A. In a designated bike rack where it won’t be a nuisance to mankind
B. In a bush, so you can collect it after class
C. In the middle of the sidewalk, like an idiot
D. In front of the building’s only entrance
6. What’s your favorite bus?
C. Smith Warehouse
D. Swift Express
If you answered mostly As…
You’re safe! You seem to know the rules of the road. You never operate these bad boys before 6 a.m. or after 11 p.m. and you park them at designated bike racks. You also hold a valid driver’s license and even put a helmet on before you start scooting! We won’t find you scooting across Abele Quad.
If you answered mostly Bs…
Close call! You almost ate it, and your TA is judging your clumsiness. Take it slower next time, and make sure to actually watch where you’re going. Checking your quiz grades on Sakai can wait.
If you answered mostly Cs…
You fell and scraped up your arms and legs. Ouch! You should probably get some practice rounds around the Chapel Drive circle. In fact, if you do three rounds in the circle and chant “Dick Brodhead” while wearing a vintage DukeEngage t-shirt, you’ll summon his spirit.
If you answered mostly Ds…
Sorry, you broke your leg and missed class. Maybe you shouldn’t try to run over students in the crosswalk. But really, how many legs do you need to scoot?
Monday Monday wrote this column from the comfort of their Lime scooter. The high handlebars are ideal for balancing a laptop and a pamplemousse La Croix. They would not recommend trying to type on a Bird scooter.