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New York Philharmonic to headline 2019 LDOC concert

The New York Philharmonic will headline LDOC this year.
The New York Philharmonic will headline LDOC this year.

The New York Philharmonic will headline this year’s LDOC concert, according to a Sunday announcement.

This will be the Philharmonic’s first appearance for a last day of classes concert. The LDOC committee explained that the choice presented the exciting prospect of getting hammered while listening to Beethoven's Ninth.

“Honestly, we really could not risk having to find someone to replace the headliner like last year,” admitted an exasperated LDOC committee member. “So we decided to hire a 106-member orchestra instead. If one of them cancels, the show will still go on.”

The orchestra's trip to Duke comes on the heels of the Los Angeles Philharmonic's performance at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill last year, when the concert ended in disaster after students carried a piano off the stage and smashed several 1712 Stradivarius violins.

Multiple octogenarians expressed excitement at an LDOC performer they've finally heard of.

"The last time I got hammered to the New York Philharmonic was back in 1965," one professor emeritus said.

Many students were confused about the actual headliner.

“Fill Our Gin and Tonic?” one student asked.

Editor's note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case it wasn't clear, this is a satirical article for "The Chomicle." Check out more Chomicle content here.

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