Hazing: The Chomicle suspended pending investigation

The Chomicle was suspended Friday night pending the results of a hazing investigation. 

An anonymous source on The Chomicle's staff said that the investigation centered on the paper forcing new members to cover meetings of DSG's House of Commons, which convenes on the third floor of West Union. Hazing also included sleep deprivation and eating Il Forno pasta four nights per week.

This is not the first time that Commons meetings have caused controversy for the student newspaper. In 2016, a staff writer for The Chomicle was taken to the hospital and treated for dehydration after the annual budget meeting. 

“It was awful,” she said. “The meeting lasted twenty-two hours, and the editors told me I would be fired if I left the room to get something to drink. They said watching every moment was my ‘sacred duty as a defender of journalistic integrity.’”

Junior Brad Ham, The Chomicle's editor-in-chief, denied the allegations. 

“This is preposterous,” Ham said. “Commons meetings are the most exciting part of my week, personally." Ham then inexplicably burst into laughter. 

A senior editor, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said that the forced eating of pasta at frequent intervals was particularly concerning, as she snuck a chip out from under her desk.

Editor's note: Happy April Fools' Day! In case it wasn't clear, this is a satirical article for "The Chomicle." Check out more Chomicle content here.