"Oof, ouch, owie," said the south rim in Cameron Indoor, seconds after getting wrecked by another of Zion Williamson's dunks.
After a season of getting nearly bent in half by the 285-pound freshman whose head sometimes skims their edges, the basketball rims at Cameron Indoor Stadium have had enough. They're done—fed up and finished with being flayed upon.
"We've told Coach K we won't take this anymore," the Rims United For Fairness (RUFF) said in a press release last night. "We’ve reached out to some rims in the NBA to warn them, too."
Now, they're going on strike to hammer-dunk home their point.
This has brought much chaos to Duke’s campus, as students are absolutely outraged at the attempt to kill the beloved tradition behind Cameron Indoor Stadium. The news has driven some students to stop voting in the Duke Dining Challenge bracket or to boycott their 8:30 a.m. classes the mornings after the men's basketball tournament games.
“We have a basketball team?” asked one student, lightly jogging to his 1:25 p.m. class.
Although the news is making a lot of rims in the NBA fearful for what’s to come, some are still simply living in bliss. The Chomicle reached out to the rims for one team that might have Williamson on their court next year.
“Players crushing the rims?" questioned the rims from the New York Knicks. "We’ve never heard of that before."
The topic has been gaining heat since Williamson blew his left shoe out against North Carolina Feb. 20. Many famous fans, including President Barack Obama, sent him wishes of recovery. This was the final straw for the rims, as they were simply tired of the lack of empathy from the Duke basketball fan base.
The Chomicle spoke to the infamous left shoe, still in critical condition, for its take on the situation.
“Ow,” it said.
As far as we can tell, the rims of a team’s home court working together to protest against a player has never happened before.
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Former players have been pitching in on the controversy as well. Kyrie Irving voiced his opinion via a Twitter post that said, “This whole thing is almost as stupid as when people tried to convince me the earth was round lmao.”
Editor's note: Happy April Fool's Day! In case it wasn't clear, this is a satirical article for "The Chomicle." Check out more Chomicle content here.