Kyrie Irving didn't graduate from Duke and doesn't plan on doing so anytime soon, but he will now receive an even more prestigious honor from the University.
Duke will present Irving with an honorary science degree for his innovative work on the Flat Earth Theory after first raising the possibility that the earth is flat on a podcast in February 2017. He has since provided supporting evidence for the idea, eschewing the findings of elitist academic journals in favor of more believable Instagram accounts.
"I'm glad that the school that still claims me as one of its own even though I only played 11 games there is ahead of the curve at embracing what I think is the beginning of a major shift in public opinion about our planet," Irving said. "I encourage everybody to do their own research to form an opinion before believing what you hear about the earth. It only takes 15 minutes of your time. Seriously, that's how much time I spent on it."
Irving's belief has sparked a renaissance of intellectual curiosity among celebrities and some of his fellow professional athletes.
The point guard has been traded from the Cleveland Cavaliers to the Boston Celtics since he first started espousing his brave flat-earth research, but Cleveland is still getting its share of questioning authority. Cavs guard Jordan Clarkson, who graduated from the University of Missouri, said two weeks ago that he believes humans were about three times as big as they are now during prehistoric times and owned dinosaurs as pets.
"That's something I really took from my year at Duke, when they were telling us to question authority during O-week," Irving said. "That was before I realized I was as good at basketball as I was and I wouldn't have to pay attention in class anymore."
Irving will be the youngest recipient ever of an honorary degree at Duke and will be joined on stage at commencement in May by five old men and women who have made tremendous contributions to well-established, legitimate fields of study.
Editor's note: Happy April Fool's Day! In case it wasn't clear, this is a satirical article for "The Chomicle." Check out more Chomicle content here.
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