This week, Housing and Residential Life emailed students their housing assignments and lottery numbers for the 2018-2019 academic year. The Chronicle obtained copies of HRL’s emails, which are presented here without further comment.
Good evening student #3892938402840,
Congratulations! We’re excited to announce the housing assignments for next year. Please see below for your housing assignment.
Assigned House: 300 Swift
Lottery #: 1
If you have further questions, please contact our office at housing@duke.edu.
Sincerely yours,
HRL Staff
Correction: HRL later announced via email that the assignment was incorrect. This article was updated at 10:41 p.m. to include the second email. The Chronicle regrets the error.
Good evening student,
We apologize for the previous confusion. Many thanks to the confused first-years who did not receive any rooming assignments for alerting us to the error. Now, we’re excited to announce the housing assignments for next year. Please see below for your housing assignment.
Assigned House: Trinity House
Lottery #: 11
If you have further questions, please contact our office at housing@duke.edu.
Sincerely yours,
Slightly-disgruntled HRL Staff
Correction: HRL later announced via email that the second assignment was also incorrect. This article was updated at 11:16 p.m. to include the third email. HRL should, but probably doesn’t, regret the error.
Hello all,
We apologize for the previous confusion. Many thanks to the angry Swift residents who thought their incorrectly bad lottery number would mean they might have to take the ridiculously slow elevator to get to their third floor rooms. Now, we’re excited to announce the housing assignments for next year. Please see below for your housing assignment.
Assigned House: The Hollows
Lottery #: 29
If you have further questions, please stop contacting us and just rant to your friends about it.
Sincerely yours,
Significantly-disgruntled HRL Staff
Correction: HRL later announced via email that the third assignment was also incorrect. This article was updated at 12:24 a.m. to include the fourth email. The Chronicle doesn’t regret these errors, and HRL probably doesn’t either.
Hi,
We apologize for the previous confusion. Thanks to the entire floor of Edens residents that emailed us thanking us for putting them in Swift—otherwise we probably would not have caught the mistake! Does Pitchforks no longer make up for living on the outskirts of West Campus—or was it Swift's free laundry, pool, consistently working elevator, exclusive shuttle, convenient parking and valet trash pickup? Whatever. Please see below for your housing assignment.
Assigned House: Crowell
Lottery #: 92
If you have further questions, please stop contacting us and just rant to your friends about it.
Sincerely yours,
Your favorite HRL Staff
Correction: HRL later announced via email that the fourth assignment was also incorrect. This article was updated at 1:22 a.m. to include the fifth email. The only thing The Chronicle regrets at this point is that we’re still up on Saturday night updating this.
So listen,
We apologize for the previous confusion. Shout-out to the entire alumni Class of 2004 for letting us know that they had, in fact, received housing assignments. Not really sure how that one happened, but honestly I'm kind of impressed. Anyway, you know the drill:
Assigned House: Peaches’ roommate
Lottery #: Literally just find one of those worn out cardboard boxes near her house and sleep in it.
If you have further questions…please don’t.
Best,
HRL Staff
Sent from my iPhone
Location Services: Shooters
Editor's note: Happy April Fool's Day! In case it wasn't clear, this is a satirical article for "The Chomicle." Check out more Chomicle content here.
Get The Chronicle straight to your inbox
Signup for our weekly newsletter. Cancel at any time.