Writing columns can be stressful. I’m supposed to write one every two weeks. It might not sound like a lot (that’s what I thought too) but actually it can end up being quite a bit of time. You have to take out time from homework, tests, sleep (number one priority, let's be real) and any other commitments you may have and write about 800 words that will make at least some sense when strung together.
It's not just the actual writing part of it that is stressful—for me, the more stressful part is coming up with something to write about. You may think you have a lot to say when you start off, but chances are you’ll feel like you’ve run out of ideas after two columns.
Finding something to write about can be especially exhausting when you write a column such as this one: a personal one. You feel obligated to draw on your own experiences, to lay your life bare for other people to read about and, hopefully, gain some insights from. And it doesn’t just stop there. Once you go public with it, you are exposing yourself to the reactions of others to something personal.
I cringe when I read stuff I wrote a few years ago because often I disagree with my old self and dislike the writing style. I’m sure I’ll do the same when I read this piece a year later.
The thought that something you wrote will be around forever thanks to the internet can be somewhat frightening, specially if it’s something poorly written or something that you don’t agree with anymore. But perhaps the most frightening scenario comes about when that something you wrote was personal. With that comes the fear of being judged.
What will people think of me? Will they see me differently? Will they treat me differently? Did I share more than I should have? I think every writer experiences some of these nagging thoughts but my anxiety and the nature of my column intensify that stress.
I wanted to talk about writing because I wanted to explain why I won’t be writing in this space next semester. Not because I think it will be sorely missed (I am quite aware that it doesn’t have that much traction) but because I feel my reasoning resonates with the theme of my column and is something we all should try doing more of.
My reason is self-care.
I no longer feel comfortable sharing my personal space. It has started to drain me of energy and I have realized that I end up drawing on my own experiences in order to meet deadlines (not because of my editors, who I must admit have been most understanding regarding extensions) and not because I actually want to share them.
While procrastinating and browsing Facebook today, I came across an illustration that read: “You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.”
Self-care is not something I’m really good at. I don’t think most of us are. We want to do more and more. We want busy schedules so we feel like we are doing something valuable with our time. We want to be on the executive boards of student groups. We (or just I) want to write for the school newspaper. We want to have good grades. We want to go to parties. We want to go to basketball games.
Perhaps mostly, we just don’t want to have FOMO. We are trapped in a cycle where we all compare ourselves to each other and feel inadequate, tell ourselves to “do more” and end up slowly tiring ourselves out.
So how about we take a step back, find one thing that we could probably drop and try using that time to perhaps do some meditation, to catch up on sleep, to eat a healthy meal or to just watch some Netflix. How about we care for ourselves by giving up one activity and letting our tired minds rest for a few extra hours a week?
Through this column, I have tried to share my experiences with you as a way for us to start conversations about mental health and wellness. I hope it has been at least a partial success. But now I am out of ideas and need to recoup, so I’m going to say farewell.
I’m going to go fill my cup, and then maybe I’ll come back and pour from it into this shared space of ours.
So, when are you going to fill yours?
Alena Sadiq is a Trinity sophomore. Her column runs on alternate Wednesdays.
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