Duke’s campus is frigid, and it isn’t just the change of seasons. So now that it’s Gender Violence Awareness Week, I’m taking this excuse to get raunchy. I’ve dabbled in mild sexual references and unnecessary innuendos, but now I have some questions I want answered. I present to you: intimate inquiries.
1. How can girls be good at sex?
The only articulated sex advice I’ve ever gotten is from Cosmo. This basically taught me two things: use teeth on blowjobs, and put your finger up your dude’s butt. Due to the looks of sheer terror I get when sharing these tricks and tips with males, I think this may not actually be advisable. Now, I’ve had no trouble in the past Jackin’ the beanstalk, and my gland-to-gland combat skills have received positive reviews. But I’m fairly certain if you f--k with a penis for long enough (literally or… slightly less literally) the Oreo becomes double-stuffed and the creamy filling comes out. I’d really appreciate a handout or a PowerPoint or maybe an instructional video. We’ll call it Sexing for Ladies: How to Drain Your Dragon.
2. How do you operate an uncircumcised penis?
In my life as a sexual being, I’ve had the pleasure of being with almost entirely black and/or Jewish men—both groups that typically like their hot dogs without buns. Recently, though, I’ve met a man or two who wear tiny, perpetual turtlenecks. Now I have no problem with penises “au naturel,” but as the chosen person of many of God’s Chosen People, I was shocked when I found a c--k wearing a sock. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I straight out abandoned ship. I flipped over and engaged cuddle mode. Gentiles, foreigners—what am I supposed to do?? I’m gonna need some instruction because when that thing’s a-danglin’, all my usual points of reference are covered in penis mitten.
3. Where dem girls at?
Sexuality isn’t a choice, but I’m of the belief that everyone should at least consider the possibility they might like some diversity in their sexual diet. Yet as I’ve gone through my Bicurious George phase (results: I’m Beyoncé-sexual), I’ve noticed there are few out lesbians and bisexual women on Duke’s campus. My hope is Duke’s culture is not actually as cold to lesbian woman as it must be to discourage so many women from coming out. Instead, I hope lesbian women secretly know Facebook is already near peak “like” capacity with only gay men out and about on our newsfeeds.
4. Have I had an orgasm?
Whenever you see women getting off on TV (I’m not into porn, but something tells me they’re doin’ it too), it sounds like they’re getting murdered slowly through the vagina. I think I’ve had good sexcapades, but nothing has ever made me revert into a cow giving birth. Does this mean I’ve never had an orgasm? I know many girls left hanging perpetually in anticlimax. Am I one of those girls? If I haven’t after all this time, I think I must accept that I am not meant to be happy and God hates me. So this isn’t really a question so much as a proposition. Men of Duke: If you think you’re up to the challenge of sexing someone to the point of devolving into a Neanderthal, by all means, do like Selena Gomez and when you’re ready, come ‘n get it, na-na-na.
5. Are you feeling it NOW, Mr. Krabs?
I’ve always been a fan of dirty everything. Kinky shit, dirty talk—I’m willing to try anything (for explanation, see Number 4). But sometimes I think I go from gettin’ weird to just plain weird. I’m talking in-sex jokes. How far is too far? Is sex really THAT inappropriate of a time to perfect my Chewbacca impression? Is a quick handy not made that much more exciting if I shout in my best Patrick voice, “FIRMLY GRASP IT!” Why would I ask, “Do you like that?” when I could yell, “WHO LOVES ORANGE SODA?!”
6. What makes a slut?
My openness about sex has led some to assume things about my lifestyle. Men and women alike have assumed I am “easy” or “slutty.” Well, here’s a shocking confession: I’m not really a fan of sex outside of a relationship, and random Duke boys have, for the most part, not tickled my fancy (figuratively or literally). But if I did casually hook up? There would not be one thing wrong with that.
In Duke and American culture alike, women can be deemed “sluts” for basically anything. Whether it’s because you casually hook up, have sex, your sexuality defies heteronormative standards or even if you’re just too confident for some man or woman’s liking—the slut label could be stamped on your forehead. Men, however, can bang 15 chicks and all they get is high-fives. And herpes.
These double standards hurt everyone, but mostly women. The “slut” label is dismissive. “Sluts” must change their personality and/or behavior, or be invalidated as a relational partner, professional and worthwhile person. The “slut” concept has even been used to explain away sexual assault. Women are expected to be available sexual objects, but are slut-shamed for having sex, promoting a culture where sexual violence is normalized and victims are blamed.
You don’t need to hook up to be a feminist. But accepting safe, consensual sex as a normal and healthy part of the lives of men AND women can only be a good thing. Whether it’s checking ourselves when we slut-shame or living life unapologetically, we can all help to reduce rape culture. Living a shame and shaming-free lifestyle could increase women’s comfort on campus, put less pressure on men to perform and create a more harmonious social scene.
Plus, seriously. Think about all the awesome sex we’ll have.
Lillie Reed is a Trinity senior. Her column is part of the weekly Socialites feature and runs every other Wednesday. Send Lillie a message on Twitter @LillieReed.
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