Bro, Brah, Broski, Brosef, Broseidon….Also Known As Prime Minister of Italy. The only political leader to serve longer than him in all of Italy’s history is Mussolini. But that’s just a useless fun fact, of course. He has been known to be friends with Muammar Qaddafi. Just another day in the life.
Here’s the low down. Bunga Bunga–sound familiar? No? Well, if there were ever a reason to turn on the news or read the paper, this would be it.
Italy’s Prime Minister, born in 1936 and now at the ripe age of 76, is notorious for hosting high-class orgies in his multiple-bedroom, disco boasting mansion. He serves as living proof that senior citizens still like to get it on. Unclear of its relation to him, there will be a new Italian porno to be released also titled "Bunga Bunga"–in 3-D.
However, his eccentric taste in pastime activities has led him to Milan. Not for the fashion, unfortunately, but to court (though I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t make a few rounds with models between trial sessions). Italy’s Prime Minister, the face of his country and the political leader of one of the world’s most prominent democracies was accused of having sex with a minor…and paying for it.
Yes, he gave her thousands and thousands of Euros. But he was really just being an altruistic soul after hearing her tragic life story. It wasn’t about the sex at all, apparently. When Ruby Heartstealer (stage name of the belly-dancer) was arrested later for stealing money from a roommate, Berlusconi intervened and ordered for her release. When questioned for this erratic, unprofessional behavior, he merely explained that he thought she was the niece of former Egyptian President Mubarak and did not want to stretch diplomatic relations too taut and risk international tension. She is not his niece. Honest mistake though, I’m sure…
Compared to Hugh Hefner by The New Yorker, Berlusconi doesn’t seem deterred from his lifestyle by petty things like the law. He does as he sees fit and then changes the law to fit his style. In biology, this is called an “induced fit” reaction. In the commonly discussed oxymoron of morality in politics, this is called corruption.
For one, he introduced a law in 2008 that granted him immunity while he was in office from...essentially everything. The courts ruled it was unconstitutional to preclude persecution of a Prime Minister in office–on principle of course because we all know politicians don’t break laws.
When that ploy failed, Berlusconi persevered. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again, as the proverb goes. Or hire a really good lawyer.
Which he did, and then paid off said lawyer to supply false evidence in his tax fraud trials. Not cause he had anything to hide, surely, but because he didn’t have the time to stand for a long trial being that he does a lot of other Prime Ministerly stuff to help his country and all.
He didn’t get away with it–bummer.
So, now sitting on two pending trials in one of the most inefficient judicial systems in the world with 3.6 million criminal cases and 5.4 million civil cases, Berlusconi took matters into his own hands, as any good leader would.
He decided to try changing the law, again. This time, however, he did so under the guise of judicial reform. He proposed a cap for Italian trials to create a more efficient, fair and manageable court system. This would also get him off the hook for his allegations, but I doubt he advertised the bill with that. He also tried to slip in a piece of legislation for the depenalization of fake account statements.
The world deemed this bill crazy and corrupt, but as of Tuesday, it is being considered in committee, and there are rumors that the bill has the backing of a slim majority in senate. However, one cannot be sure–because Italian politics is volatile, the basis of its discursiveness being the next sex scandal of the Prime Minister. He already has been to trial more than 10 times.
Italy is not in the best condition. Like the rest of the world, it suffers from unemployment, a stagnant economy and a worrisome deficit. Although the numbers may not yet be horrific, they foreshadow an aberrant future. With a Prime Minister unable to lead, a rapidly aging population and a GDP growing slower a corpse’s toenails—it grew on average .25% per year between 2000 and 2010 with only Haiti and Zimbabwe doing worse—Italy is in bad shape.
However, Berlusconi doesn’t let all this bring him down. It’s admirable, really. He has a lot of self confidence–he has been recorded comparing himself to Napoleon, Churchill and Jesus Christ. He also has been noted for his unique sense of humor.
From his electoral ship in 2000, he shared this joke:
A man with AIDS meets his doctor and asks him, “Doctor, what can I do for my illness?” The doctor answers, “Have a mud bath.” The man questions, “But Doc, will that really do me any good?” The doctor responds, “Not really, but you’ll get used to being buried.”
Did I mention his is the longest regime since Mussolini…?
Why do the Italians keep re-electing this man? Not sure, to be honest, but he is charismatic for sure. He makes for interesting news and when one-on-one, he seems to be fun and easygoing. He is also the richest man in Italy and one of the top 25 richest men in the world with an estimated net worth of about $9 billion. He is an entrepreneurial self-made success story who owns Mediaset, comprised of 3 national television channels; Publitalia, the leading Italian advertising and publicity agency; Arnoldo Mondadori, the largest Italian publishing house; his own media group, Fininvest; and the football club, AC Milan.
All the right friends in all the right places.
Berlusconi, giving Italy a bad name since 1994.
We have our fingers crossed for you, Italy.
Just do us a favor and don’t give him the benefit of the doubt in the 2013 election
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