My phone buzzed late one night last weekend. “WTF,” the text message read. “I knew I shoulda gone to Mardi Gras. All these Facebook pics! Ugh. Woulda been TOML. OMG. And now I’ve got a severe case of FOMO. SOMFL.”
Sometimes I feel like I don’t speak English anymore.
WTF. TOML. OMG. FOMO. SOMFL. All in one text. Really?
It was late. I was tired. But I was determined to decipher.
1. WTF: Okay, I know that one.
2. TOML: Tough on my liver? Thousands of my lovers? Ah yes, time of my life.
3. OMG: I don’t live under a rock. I know that one, too.
4. FOMO: Forgetting of my origins? Freaking out made out? Fear of ... fear of ... got it! Fear of missing out.
5. SOMFL: Well the “F” undoubtedly stands for freak so, should of met freaking ladies? Some of my freaking losers? Oh no, I need to put this in context. Fear of missing out must be the ... story of my freaking life.
Yes, I had figured out the coded message, but it had taken me way too long. Worst of all, I was embarrassed to text back with my own, “WTF. OMG. FML. YS (You suck!). Spell out your acronyms! SMH (Shaking my head).”
I’m 21 years old. I’ve been instant messaging since I was nine, texting since I was 13 and surfing the World Wide Web on a daily basis for the last eight years. I’m perpetually “connected” and pride myself on my ability to communicate biweekly with the Duke populace.
So am I really supposed to know all of these things? Am I NC (not cool)? OS (Old school)? AL (A loser)? Or just stuck in the olden days of BWPWAP (back when Pluto was a planet)?
I think it’s nearly impossible to keep up with the times. In my humble opinion, our English slang acronyms (ESA?) have surpassed the level of annoying and are now teetering on the edge of absurdity. Save a few that are quite useful and well established in modern history—ASAP, TMI, TBA, FYI, IDK, VIP, MVP, FAQ, LBD, GTHC—the rest are just plain silly.
Can you imagine if I responded to an urgent email from my future boss with “IDK”? Or if I ended my Spanish paper with “HLVB,” or, God forbid, “AMF”?
And then there’s the recent craze of acronym websites whose titles have blossomed into common expressions. MLIA (My Life is Average), FML (Freak My Life) or, my personal favorite due to its sheer ludicrousness, MLIB (My Life is Bro).
Even worse is when fellow texters, tweeters and bloggers morph acronyms into words. ROFLing, LOLing, LYLAS (or LYLAB, although I’m pretty sure boys would never be caught dead using this “word”), MILF, BAMF and BFFL (pronounced biffle) ... not real words! But at this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if they achieve “real word” status soon.
If “bromance” and “chillax” made the cut for the Oxford Dictionary of English (ODE, different from the OED) in 2010, then I feel strongly that my not-top 10 neologisms can, too.
In the spirit of KISS (keep it simple stupid), I’ll make this short. Fellow citizens of the English-speaking World (ESW?), don’t be afraid to use the real words because more than likely, when you ask for CWMAOS, no one is going to know what you’re talking about. And you might get fired.
Join me in the UAAAA (Universal Association Against Acronym Abuse). TTYL.
Molly Lester is a Trinity senior. Her column runs every other Tuesday.
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