It’s okay to like it

“I don’t call boys, boys call me.”

That’s what she replied when he told her to hit him up some time. Three years ago, my sister Cate, Trinity ’09, had an epiphany and turned her newfound wisdom into a simple phrase that has changed millions of lives (maybe not millions, but at least two). She refused to be the chaser. She decided to either be the chased or to be nothing at all. Was she just being lazy? No. She was bravely blazing a treacherous new trail.

Why at Duke (and likely at many comparable institutions of higher learning) do girls have to do all the romantic work? It’s just ridiculous. When it is time to go out, we are expected to find out where our (hopefully) future boy-toy will be. It then becomes our mission to show up there looking sexy as hell and sweep him off his feet with frat-tastic drinking abilities. I’m sorry (not really), but what ever happened to courtship, people? I think it’s amusing that the negative female stereotypes fade away when guys get lazy—women are suddenly trusted with control. But I digress…

Don’t be afraid to assert yourself, ladies. Contrary to popular belief, guys actually do like a girl with an opinion, a little sass and an IQ—at least for the long term. Junk in the trunk doesn’t hurt either, but my mom always told me that confidence is sexy. I recommend thinking back through your escapades and thoroughly analyzing your tactics. This goes for dudes too. Nobody likes desperation. Neither my sister nor I have ever successfully reeled in a man by filling his voicemail inbox. If we can change our ways, you can too (because we’re both absurdly awkward). Disclaimer: The strategy I propose is not the most effective in securing a one night stand, so if you’re just looking for a quick d-floor seduction, by all means call away.

But to back up what I’m telling you, here’s a little more about how my sister’s epic night went down: homegirl (homegirl being my sister) decided to “see and be seen” at Devine’s one weekend night. The small crowd meant that this boy (let’s call him John) felt more at ease hitting on my sister—less people to watch him potentially get denied, I guess. I respect that.

Now, as most of us know, Devine’s has been the site of many a lasting love connection, so it is not shocking that Cate got up the (liquid) courage to sit next to John. She wanted to make it a little easier for him to get his game on. After some deep intellectual discussion, John said, “Let me give you my number.” Say what?! Rewind. This dude had no qualms about making it perfectly clear how opposed to effort he was. So my sister, being the feisty hottie that she is, immediately and without a second thought (or a first inhibition—bazam!) responded, “I don’t call boys, boys call me.”

Now this may sound just too off-the-wall for some of you girls (which it shouldn’t), but just hold up a second. Expectedly, John was taken aback and said, as he chuckled, “Did you really just say that? I can’t believe you just said that.” In relaying this story to me the other night (random side note: I sketchily make my important phone calls in the Bostock stairwell using secret coded words), Cate laughed as she remembered how John seemed shocked and acted like her assertion was a total turn-off. But, surprise, surprise, Mr. Cool called Cate the very next day and they ended up dating for a few months shortly thereafter. You have to agree, that totally gives my point some serious credibility.

You see people, you can get what (or who) you want and still keep the upper hand. Be talked about in a good way. The silly boys around here might pretend like they don’t like it, but obviously, having to dial your number (heaven forbid!) won’t deter them if they really want your body (and mind, of course).