It turns out that even illegal investments in the stock market fluctuate, and crime bosses are just as vulnerable as we are to corporate greed and irresponsible fiscal policies. According to this article, members of Japanese organized crime syndicates, commonly known as the yakuza, are turning to the Japanese government for relief from the global recession.
Wait, come again?
Real gangsters (not this kind)—real life racketeering, prostitution ring operating, whacking-you-in-the-middle-of-the-day gangsters—are filing for unemployment benefits? Even if it's Japan we're talking about, that is still somewhat hard to believe. I had always held the yakuza in high regard in terms of toughness when compared to other international outfits, but this is ruining everything for me!
I mean, even compared to the Russian mafia, these guys were hard
Now tell me, who would you rather mess with? Yeah, that's what I thought. Yakuza gangsters defined what it really meant to be a gangster. With assistance from Lucy Liu, the yakuza stood unparalleled also in sexiness.
No more. Now the once-mighty yakuza is like GM with guns. It's laying off members who have put in decades simply because its finances are crumbling. Could you imagine the American mafia scene had guys like Al Capone turned to the federal government? The mafia would have lost its hold decades ago. I mean, there would have been a lot less crime I suppose, but would we have Goodfellas? What about The Godfather trilogy? What I'm saying is that Japanese culture might be damaged by this new development!
That last might be an overstatement—I mean, Japan can always rely on its samurai legacy— but really, who would have thought?
As much as the withering of Japanese organized crime distresses me, I must admit I'm surprised the Japanese government is completely okay with this. In fact, yakuza membership is not even illegal. Some Japanese are actually somewhat tolerant of the gangs, because the yakuza plays a role in labor union enforcement and trades information with the police. So it's only right when the victims of yakuza shake downs can't afford to pay up and turn to welfare, the yakuza itself follows suit. Right?.
Either way, I hope the yakuza can recover from this, lest they become the laughing stock of the underworld. Since they hail from the nation that industrialized in like eight months (where it took America 50 years), and came up with this, I have no doubt they will.
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