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Why I have never tented and never will…

(jacob wolff)I have no desire whatsoever to tent. I didn’t tent my freshman or sophomore year, and I'm not tenting this year either. I was actually offered a spot in Tent 2 at the beginning of this semester, but I turned it down. I know, you may think I'm crazy, but I have my reasons.

For those two people reading this who don’t know about tenting (my grandma and that kid I always see in the basement of Perkins, you know who you are), people sleep in tents for  2 to 3 months waiting in line to get into the Duke v. UNC men's basketball game here at Cameron Indoor Stadium. Eight people (out of twelve in each group) need to sleep out there each night, and one person needs to be there at all times during the day (during blue tenting). The following is why I have never/ will never tent:

1) I think it's crazy: Frankly, sleeping outside in a tent for 3 months during the freezing winter is not my idea of a fun time.

2) The loss factor: Call me Debbie Downer (my friends call me Debs though), but I can think of nothing more terrible than sleeping outside for 3 months only to have Duke lose the game. As much as I think the “experience” would be worth it, a loss would just be too heartbreaking. On the Disappointment Scale, I would put it somewhere between finding out Santa isn’t real and seeing Ashlee Simpson lip sync on SNL (as a huge A-Simp fan, I’ve never been the same since that day).

3) Brian Zoubek’s love of stuffed animals: This one is connected to the “loss factor.” How does Brian Zoubek liking stuffed animals relate to me not tenting? Simple: Zoubek has been trying to build up his frequent flier miles to get this really cute American Airlines teddy bear. Unfortunately, nobody told him that traveling on the court didn’t count towards his miles (I know, terrrrrrrible basketball pun). In his defense, he was looking better earlier this year. But until we work the post better, Duke is the underdog in this one. Also in Zoubek’s defense, it’s a really adorable teddy bear.

4) I’ve already been to a Duke v. UNC game: Now, people can argue this point with me, but I won’t give in. Last year, I waited 2.5 hours in the walk up line and managed to be one of the last people into the UNC game. I was at the very end of the non-student side crammed in like a sardine, and it most uncomfortable I’ve felt since my brother convinced me I looked great in tighty whities, but at least I was there. Now I know I didn’t get the “experience” part. But the fact is, tenters and I do share the following in common: the ability to say, “I’ve been to a Duke v. UNC game." However, we do not share any of the following in common: amount of time spent living in a freezing tent, amount of time spent comfortably sleeping in our own beds and amount of salami eaten in our lives.

5) I like sofas a lot: At the ripe age of 21, I’m getting too old for the Cameron shenanigans. My bones are achin’ and my soul is weary, and frankly, all that jumping is just too much for me. I’m what you may call a homebody (read: enjoys sitting on butt watching game on TV). Oh to be a freshman again… to be so young, so full of energy, and to not have to take Metamucil for fiber to keep me “regular.”

Don't get me wrong. I think tenting is great for Duke Basketball and I really do give people who tent a lot of credit. It takes dedication aand I’m sure it's something a lot of you enjoy. The thing is, it’s just not for me…


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