There's been a lot of discussion about the future of Duke Basketball since the team's loss to West Virginia March 22.
To make matters worse for everyone, it appears as if the dreaded foe down the road is about to power its way to its second national championship in the last four years, forcing hideous, Carolina-blue, argyle bookends on my four years in the Triangle area.
So what's a spoiled, entitled, whiny Duke fan supposed to do?
Well, I've got an interesting solution to those of my ilk.
Take a brief vacation.
Transfer to Davidson.
Think about it for a second. In times of political turmoil, people threaten to move to our less-populated neighbor, Canada. Well this year, in times of so-called basketball turmoil, Davidson is the new Canada.
Here's what I've managed to figure out about Davidson and why it seems to be a good place for us Duke refugees, even if I only have five more weeks of college eligibility:
- Now that Taylor King has decided to depart Duke, there is no longer a Blue Devil whose basketball game I can relate to-that is, there's no longer someone who shoots indiscriminately from any part of the court.
Enter Stephen Curry, the only non-Ivy League basketball player lankier than me. Even though Davidson was eliminated in the Midwest Regional final Sunday, Curry said he will stick around for at least another year, meaning that there is a strong possibility that Davidson will make another run in the Big Dance.
The skinny guy is the new No. 1 in my heart.
- Davidson's best-known perk: The school does students' laundry for free. Had I known about this earlier, I probably would have applied there my senior year of high school instead of trying to transfer there my senior year of college.
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I can safely say that I currently live closer to a washer and dryer than I ever will (approximately 7.5 inches outside my bedroom door), but it takes me an average of two and a half days to get through one complete wash-and-dry cycle.
And that's before I even get to the whites.
The prospect of having clean T-shirts and jeans that aren't baked in Krzyzewskiville mud is breathtakingly awesome.
Students can see their school's basketball team play in the Tournament's regional semifinal and final...
...in person! For free!
Forget about the Iron Dukes and their waitlist-you can't top a free weekend in Detroit, paid in full for students by the college. If this deal of free transportation, lodging and tickets is in effect next year, hopefully some wealthier alumni can bribe the selection committee to send the Wildcats to a San Diego regional.
- Davidson is still in North Carolina. This may sound like a basic and meaningless observation, but when you are addicted to Bojangles and Cook Out, it is not.
Continuing to go to school in a place that will provide me with access to three-piece dark-chicken dinners and spicy-chicken sandwich trays is imperative, and Davidson has both restaurants within a 10-minute drive of campus. Ode to joy.
Also, I wouldn't have to move my stuff very far.
My sources tell me that students who are not varsity athletes are known as "Non-ers" because, apparently, everyone at Davidson is an athlete. For those that find the term "GDI" to be blasphemous, consider this new label a welcome gift.
Davidson is 15 miles from the Lowe's Motor Speedway.
Sort-of Duke alumnus: Richard Nixon. Sort-of Davidson alumnus: Woodrow Wilson. Watergate. Fourteen Points.
Davidson has three a cappella groups on campus. This means that there is one a cappella group per 566 students, lower than Duke's average of one group per 800 students. I'm not sure why this is significant, but because I heard an a cappella statstic on every admissions tour I took, I thought I'd throw that number out there.
I'd still get to hate the University of North Carolina. This cannot be underestimated.
Because Davidson has an enrollment of just 1,700, there is only room for about a quarter of us there. The bus ride down will have to be selective.
While you make up your mind, please excuse me for a second.
I have to go take my clothes out of the dryer. They have been there since Duke's season ended.