2 girls, 1 column

Two weeks ago, after just two columns, I got my very first semiangry letter printed in The Chronicle, from a tenter, no less. (I didn't even know tenters read The Chronicle. Here I was thinking that hardcore tenters just sat in their sleeping bags all day wondering why they wasted all that money on housing. Oh, I'm just kidding. Tenters don't always sit in their sleeping bags-they sometimes use folding chairs, too.)

But seriously, I felt like a real columnist. You know, one that takes on tough issues and makes even tougher journalistic decisions, which for me is choosing whether I want to use Rosie O'Donnell or Nicole Ritchie as a punch line for a joke (Keep reading to find out which one I chose.). So, thank you, letter writer from Tent 1. It doesn't matter where you are positioned in the K-ville line-you and your mates will always be Tent No. 1 in my heart.

Okay, so I've exaggerated my "hate mail" for (hopefully) comic effect. For the record, I fully respect the letter writer (and all the tenters, for that matter). The truth is that back in the day (i.e., 2003) "Monday, Monday" actually used to be a super controversial fixture on these back pages of The Chronicle. A week did not go by without an offended student writing a letter about the indecency of the anonymous Duke humorist.

In short, it was the "A Clockwork Orange" of columns. Now it has become pretty tame, much to the behest of the editors, I presume. Well, that all changes this morning (assuming you're reading this before noon).

That's right, I am going to go where no Chronicle writer has gone before-no, not to a reputable source. (JK! I don't want The Chronicle writing angry letters to The Chronicle.) No, today I'm going to discuss the ever-growing Internet phenomenon known as "shock Web sites."

According to Urban Dictionary, a far more reliable source than CNN or even Wikipedia, a shock site is "a Web site used with the express purpose of startling the living crap out of anyone you link it to." If you search "shock site" on Google, it will turn up more than 9 million hits. By contrast, "my little pony" turns up only 4 million-one of which is actually a shock Web site.

Shock sites come in all shapes and perversions, but most include an image or video that is utterly repulsive to all viewers not named Marilyn Manson.

Of course, I would be utterly careless and journalistically incompetent if I did not bring up what may easily be the most famous shock site ever. At least, this is what I told my editor. Not surprisingly, she explained that there would have to be heavy censorship in my discussion of said Web site since this is a video depicting two women -------- and -------- into a cup, then taking turns ---------- the ---------- and ---------- into each others' --------.

Ultimately, I think our sickened yet fascinated attitude toward shock sites suggests that what would be truly shocking today is finding something that actually has a lack of controversy and an absence of outrage. You may say, "Oh, c'mon, it's so simple not to offend someone." Well, this is easier said than done. As I learned with the tenter letter, people tend to get insulted very easily. The lesson here, though, is that we must always keep levels of offensiveness in perspective.

So, in the future if anyone ever does get insulted by a column and feels the need to write a letter, go ahead and write. But also, just log onto the Web and watch a video of a woman stretching ---------- with her hands or view a picture of a man with a ------- perched on his --------. Maybe then you'll reconsider to whom your letter should be addressed.

David Distenfeld did extensive research for this column. Now it's time for him to delete his cookies and empty his cache.