Regaining confidence

Like almost all graduate students, I have gone through times when I thought that I was not cut out for grad school. Completing a graduate or professional degree is hard. It is challenging academically, and it can be a real blow to the ego.

All of us come to Duke very confident in our abilities. Those admitted to graduate or professional school were certainly accomplished as undergraduates or in careers undertaken before returning for a degree. Unfortunately, these feelings often change as the semester progresses and stresses and challenges mount. It almost certainly becomes more difficult to stay positive as exams approach.

Many students think they alone feel this way, but it seems nearly every student faces these frustrations at some point, usually in the beginning of their time here. The Women's Initiative, completed in 2003, found that the confidence of graduate and professional students decreases after entering Duke before increasing as graduation approaches. This drop in confidence is more significant and challenging for women than for men. Many students I know, especially women, have experienced the "imposter syndrome" or the feeling that they are waiting for the letter from Duke that states that their admission was a mistake.

Perhaps this is not surprising. Everyone at Duke is intelligent and accomplished, and comparing yourself to professors and other students can be discouraging. When everyone around you appears to have it all together and when you feel as if you can't keep up with homework, research, writing and everything else involved in graduate study (that happens to all of us), it can be easy to feel as if you don't belong. What most students don't realize is that even those who seem to be on top of everything usually share the same doubts and insecurities.

Mentors can play a big part in keeping students motivated and on track. Students need encouragement and positive feedback, which can be rare in graduate school. We are more likely to receive critical feedback on presentations or papers, which women especially tend to internalize.

Support networks and friends are also critical to a student's success. It can be extremely validating to have someone to talk to about concerns and issues. Discussions about surviving graduate school in venues such as the Graduate and Professional Women's Network, the Women's Initiative focus groups or the dissertation support group organized by Counseling and Psychological Services have certainly been helpful to students.

The good news is that no one at Duke is alone, and it is possible to finish, as I can now attest. You see, I recently regained my motivation. Attending the Society for Neuroscience conference last week renewed my enthusiasm for science. Conferences are a terrific opportunity to learn about the exciting new frontiers of a field and rekindle the interest that brought each of us to graduate school.

At the conference, I also committed to a postdoctoral research position in a new lab at New York University beginning next June. I am excited about the next phase of my life-four to five years of pure research with no classes, no teaching responsibilities, no thesis to worry about. I'm already nervous about living up to expectations, but I have certainly found my motivation to excel.

Heather Dean is a graduate student in neurobiology. Her column normally runs every other Wednesday.