Raping grannies with broomsticks

Pasha Majdi himself has admitted that “a major problem with all Duke Student Government elections is that they basically amount to who can put up the most posters on campus with a stupid slogan and a big picture of their face.”

On April 1 of this year, I announced my candidacy for the DSG presidential election of 2005. I vowed to dissolve the institution if elected. It is inefficient and represents but the tiniest fraction of Duke students.

DSG is beyond repair.

Back then, I ended my column with: “Let’s give Majdi a chance—he deserves your support. Let him please prove me wrong on all counts.” So far, he has not proved me wrong at all, which is why I have decided to go ahead with my campaign.

Right now, I am assembling a campaign team. Instead of padding your résumé with a run-of-the-mill DSG position, please consider joining me in my attempt to put an end to student government at Duke. As of today, I still need a webmaster, class representatives for all years but ’06 and a spin-doctor. So far, China Gordon serves as my official brainstorming partner in our temporary headquarters—Clifton Beach in Cape Town, South Africa.

I turned to the DSG website for some background research. Of the three resolutions passed Oct. 6, only one was available online—and only after extensive browsing.

Under the link ‘Resolutions,’ I encountered the following helpful line: “Please refer to Archives for past resolutions, and check back here as the year progresses. Thank you!” The newest resolutions listed under ‘Archives,’ however, date back to 2002-2003.

Still perusing their website, I decided to read through their ‘News’ section. The following was the most recent news: “A big thank you to everyone who visited us at the Student Activities Fair. Elections for freshman legislators will take place on September 7.”

I was reading this Oct. 11, mind you.

Speaking of the freshman senatorial race, I would like to address the voter turnout. Roughly a hundred freshmen voted, down from 150 in previous years. Ten freshmen were running. On average, each candidate managed to convince ten people to vote. Pretty pathetic.

DSG explained voter turnout was lower this year years because they had failed to e-mail the entire freshman class about the elections. Labor Day was to blame, apparently, because it confused Andrew Wisnewski and prevented him from submitting the mass email in time.

Pasha blamed a lack of resources for the communication failure. I blame Pasha.

The date of the elections had been—presumably—set long before September. I can think of no good reason why the email to the freshman class could not have been written two weeks before the election date, let alone two working days.

One would expect DSG to be upset about a 30 percent drop in voter turnout. Yet, at the first DSG meeting after the elections, the focus was on academic freedom and campus safety.

In the light of the Palestininan Solidarity Movement debate, our representatives felt the need to reaffirm the importance of academic freedom. Which would be all nice and swell, had they not removed all references to PSM from the resolution.

“Academic freedom is good” is about as useful a statement as “raping grannies with broomsticks is bad.”

And I don’t think we need DSG to express either.

One area in which DSG has made considerable progress is tenting. But why can’t a Head Line Monitor be appointed by the Duke University Union? Or directly elected?

Despite Pasha Majdi’s voiced concern over race relations, DSG has done little, if anything, to address alleged police brutality toward Duke’s black community. Police misconduct is all lumped together, giving equal status to complaints about officers dozing off and officers beating up minorities. Kemel Dawkins, vice president for campus services said in response to both: “I won’t promise you the moon.”

Well, Kemel, you don’t have to promise anyone the moon. But you do need to represent the concerns of the diverse Duke student community.

For a more theoretical outline of my anti-DSG position, I refer you to my column of April 1, 2004. By giving some anecdotal evidence here, I hope to have inspired some of you to join my campaign. Please e-mail me if interested.

I am not joking. I will run for DSG president next year. I will dissolve the institution if elected. And unless Pasha and his endless list of drones start performing, I think I stand a pretty good chance.

 

Joost Bosland is a Trinity junior.

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