In our continued efforts to provide you the inside scoop and commit federal offenses, RECESS senior editor Yoav Lurie snagged this letter from the Bryan Center Post Office. We had hoped the envelope addressed to the editors of Playboy would contain the secret exploits of a lusty coed, but we found that it actually contained something far more intriguing. To protect the innocent—and our own asses—we have left the writer’s signature out.
Dear Playboy,
Upon opening the October 2004 issue of Playboy, I was saddened to see that you did not use the photos from my recent photo shoot. After a cold day spent posing naked with the Blue Devil in the middle of Wally Wade, you could have at least had the courtesy to print a note for my efforts. I bared all for you, I gave you my everything—I loved you, and you left me out!
I told you your readers would appreciate my natural “college” physique. Many a prisonpenpal.com reader has commented on my supple breasts and toned calves. What your photographer called “pasty,” I call “milky”— yes, I am Mr. Vanilla Goodness!
Why didn’t you take me? Was it my hairy chest? My saggy boobs? My protruding gut? Maybe you could have told me that I didn’t fit into your vision of GIRLS of the ACC before I tattooed the bunny on my butt.
All I ever wanted was to be one of your playmates. I tried for this petty, college issue thing. I had hoped for such great things—parades, late nights in the Grotto with Hef—I could have been one!
I know I sound mad, but I still love you, and if you have any opening in the “Girls” of the SEC, damnit, I’ll transfer!
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