The Sandbox - Warning: senior citizen on sex

Over 30 years ago, Canadian Sue Johanson delved into a career of sexual education. As a registered nurse and founder of the Don Mills Birth Control Clinic, she sought to "address all aspects of sexuality in an informative and nonjudgmental way." Armed with a human anatomical know-how unrivaled by anyone in the Great White North, she took her message to the schools, touring universities and writing three books along the way. These days, with her live call-in "Sunday Night Sex Show" on the Oxygen network, she brings her decades of amassed expertise on dildos and contraceptives to an audience of millions. Throughout this illustrious career, one very important thing has happened to Sue Johanson.

She has gotten old. Really, really old.

And now it's just kind of gross. Seriously, professional longevity is respectable, but when the result is soliciting g-spot information from a geriatric, it's a little disconcerting.

There's a reason why you never phoned your grandmother to inquire whether the painful abscess on your hoo-hoo might be herpes. (Reason: STDs are gross; hearing a senior citizen talk about STDs is freaking disgusting.)

Sure, Dr. Ruth made old ladies talking about sex fashionable years ago, but the difference is that she did it in a German accent. Does your grandma sprechen sie Deutsch? Didn't think so, so you've got no reason to mix the two up. Besides, everyone really secretly wants to have sex with Dr. Ruth.

Why is Sue Johanson still so sexually savvy? Does she know more about boot-knocking than you? Mightn't hips be broken and osteoporosis-brittled bones be snapped in the throes of sloppy, saggy nursing home-style relations? All troubling questions that Oxygen and the "Sunday Night Sex Show" leave unanswered.

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