Column: 'America' Revisited

I originally wrote this reinterpretation of Allen Ginsburg's "America" for class freshman year. I've updated a couple lines, but most of it remains the same.

America I live in the best nation in the world and I'm miserable.

I want to be left alone while I ingest the entire bottle of Prozac but the Avon lady is knocking my door down.

I'll take the skin-colored eyeliner please.

America do you think I have the slightest idea of how to construct a poem?

You're the only reason I'm compelled to write this bulls---.

I want to prove that Tom Joad was no hero as I strive to be Ted Turner.

He's very wealthy you know.

America every Tuesday I go to McDonald's and order the #9 supersized because I cannot be expected to eat a fish filet without extra extra large fries battered in grease and oil and the secretions of an Indonesian sweatshop worker as I stare at the black family next to me eating silently and I want to puke because I just saw a hair on my sesame seed bun.

How dare you force me to change to please you?

Don't worry it's not you, it's me, we can still be friends if you like. Really.

Is Cleveland a practical joke?

I eat Xenophobia Flakes for breakfast.

Together you and I can conquer the world if we kill those dirty people whose pigments are brown and yellow and black and green.

America I still think there's a better way.

America sock it to me because live from New York it's Saturday night.

Africans perish at alarming rates everyday and I want to watch Springer until I vomit.

I hate Jerry Springer.

America I am thin tall tanned and toned. Everybody loves me.

Today I'm famous tomorrow I'm overweight with an unshakable amphetamine problem.

I envy every single one of you.

America why are they so sexy cute bubbly talented sexy miraculous prophetic sexy rich extraordinary heavenly sexy and I'm so...

Me?

Everyone's like they are except for me.

I need a drink.

America why do you care so much about starving children in far off nations?

I'm glad you only "fight for humanity" in the name of corporate greed.

Grenada was a mistake.

So is Iraq.

We should fight to assert our global phallic dominance.

America please do more to make me hate North Korea. I presently don't feel they're daunting enough.

They can construct the bomb, you know.

America I'm glad you got over your fear to kill again.

Don't you know that if it weren't for those Iraqis those Syrians those Iranians those Russians those Malaysians we'd rule the world.

Castro actually makes a lot of sense to me.

Canada's going to strike one of these days.

George F. Kennan take me home.

America I masturbate with the Invisible Hand.

I can't count how many digits are in my bank statement.

My summerhouse in the Hamptons is so East Egg.

I really would rather have one in Martha's Vineyard but my wife really despises the Kennedys.

When I roll out of bed my Puerto Rican maid reads me the daily stock quotes after she finishes wiping my juice from her upper lip.

The S&P Index was really up this morning.

Hold on!

Neon lights are bad for the eyes.

Goldman and Sachs is not invincible.

Did I spend $120,000 earning an econ. degree at Duke to see the market plummet?

I need more coke.

I can't wait to see Black Monday.

I can jump off the top of my neon-lighted building falling falling falling realizing I shouldn't have jumped OOPS splattering on Wall Street brains

e v er y whe r e.

America I've waited for that moment all my life.

I'm pretty messy as a dead man.

America you better buy a spatula if you plan to pick up my rotting carcass.

America I can't hide from you.

My huddled mass is poor tired and weak.

You don't want me anymore, I can tell.

America I don't give a shit about John Walker Lindh.

I am the apathy you create.

America I wish I were George Bush.

Laura's kinda sexy in that uptight way.

America let me sprawl you out from sea to shining sea.

I love the farmer in Iowa the director in Los Angeles the barkeep in Boston the queer in San Fran the cop in St. Paul the autoworker in Detroit the accountant in Cleveland.

Actually I hate Cleveland.

America I want to embrace you until we learn to love each other.

America I just want a say in the matter.

Greg Veis is a Trinity senior and editor of Recess. Since this is also his senior column, he'd like to thank all of those who know he would've mentioned them by name if he had decided on writing something remotely normal.