In response to the Jan. 8 editorial "Say no to clones," we would like to offer further discussion on the topic. The Chronicle is naive to think clones do not already live among us. While The Chronicle claims "organizations may soon clone humans," the truth is that clones exist, and their presence among us will soon be revealed in all its cloning glory. Clones will emerge within the Duke community over the next few weeks. As humans, we must not be afraid to assert our individuality in the face of the clone population.
In order to preserve human individuality, we offer this guide to identifying clones among us: Clones will soon begin to exhibit distinguishing characteristics. Older clones will seek out younger clones to establish clone communities. Telltale signs of clone gatherings include awkward social settings and forced, seemingly fake conversation. The older clones will weed out any humans and clone/human hybrids through a process possibly including massive alcohol consumption, the creation of clone artifacts (often in the form of paddles, blocks or pins) and bizarre tasks. At the culmination of this process, the speech, dress and actions of all clones will be indistinguishable from each other. For male clones, this includes wearing identical T-shirts and memorizing the names and origins of their fellow clones. Female clones can be identified by their tight black pants, designer handbags and propensity for singing "naughty" songs. Both male and female clones exhibit high tolerance for cold by wearing flip-flops or open-toed shoes in wintry weather.
As humans, we should not fear this emerging rush of clone communities. It is important to not succumb to the assimilating force of clones for the sake of joining a "social group." Clone communities do offer social opportunities, but it is just as easy to have an enjoyable social life as an independent human.
In closing, we encourage anyone interested in joining a clone community to explore their various options, but consider the consequences of living as a clone. And if one morning you wake up and find yourself living among clones, remember it is never too late to change.
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