Proving the problems exist

The day after the big, bad wolf called David Horowitz came to visit lovable grandmother Nan's Gothic Wonderland is a perfect time to start thinking about how we approach problems that are supposedly present on our campus.

The first step toward any solution is to clearly identify the problem you wish to solve. To do so, you need proof that the problem exists in more than just your mind. Unfortunately, few people on Duke's campus are willing to engage in genuine research needed prove that the proposals they favor are necessary.

Instead, what we have are student leaders and administrators whose sweeping policies are grounded in nothing more than conjectures, assertions, hypotheses and theories. Moreover, this is the primary reason why there is rarely any progress when it comes to issues that need attention. In my four years at this university, I have yet to see a single organization substantiate claims that issues like racism or homophobia are indeed present among us, despite numerous dollars spent each year to combat such problems. We simply assume such evils lurk nearby--checking whether they are really there rarely occurs to anyone.

So before embarking on solving any more problems that may or may not exist, I think that someone should find the funding and the energy to answer a number of pressing questions. Actually, if anyone wants to give me a modest amount of money to conduct it, I'd be happy to design and administer an appropriate survey--I'm that much of a dork.

I have composed a set of questions that any concerned individual on this campus should want to have answered. In the parentheses next to them, I have offered my own guesses as to the answers. That is all these numbers are--silly estimates that betray the flavor of my Duke experience. Now, if you believe that I'm misguided, please feel free to conduct the research needed to prove me wrong. But if you just want to have fun, see how my guesses compare to yours.

Here we go. What percentage of Duke's undergraduate students...

• Who are black would rather be equally distributed throughout Central Campus, Edens Quadrangle, Main West Campus and Trent Drive Hall instead of having a focused presence on Central Campus? (less than 25 percent)

• Who are greek belong to fraternities that have either donated funds to events sponsored by the Center for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Life or have publicly expressed their support for alternate lifestyles? (more than 50 percent)

• In the Class of 2002 think this school has become more "lame" since they enrolled in fall of 1998? (85 percent)

• Feel uncomfortable walking by at least one of the fraternity benches located on Main West Quadrangle? (more than 70 percent of girls and 25 percent of guys)

• Believe that some points espoused by David Horowitz are not racist but, instead, a product of a controversial analysis of verifiable facts? (30 percent)

• Thought that Duke Student Movement's protests last year were either unnecessary or unreasonable? (60 percent).

• Care enough about one Mt. Olive Pickle Company's labor practices to boycott the company's products? (less than 10 percent).

• Don't know that Mt. Olive sells pickles? (45 percent)

• Think Duke Student Government should be dissolved? (15 percent)

• Are not satisfied with DSG's performance this year? (75 percent)

• Are unhealthily overweight? (less than 1 percent for both men and women)

• Consume less than the daily caloric intake recommended by the Food and Drug Administration? (75 percent of girls, 35 percent of guys)

• With cars have received two or more tickets in each academic year? (95 percent)

• Read more than a quarter of The Chronicle's news stories in their entirety? (10 percent)

• Do not binge drink? (70 percent)

• Skipped three or more meals each week at the Marketplace as freshmen? (75 percent)

• Wish they had picked another school? (less than 5 percent)

• Will graduate virgins? (35 percent)

• Honestly cried when we lost to Indiana? (15 percent)

• Fulfill every unofficial graduation requirement? (10 percent)

All this brings me to my main suggestion. What this campus needs is a well-funded, student-run organization solely dedicated to the responsible collection of data to answer these questions. After consulting with a few professors of statistics, the group would release a report outlining the results from its surveys once each semester. There would be no analysis offered--only information. The interpretation of the data should be left up to the administration, student organizations and individual students.