The independent news organization of Duke University

All in the Family

MTV's behind-the-scenes docu-sitcom, The Osbournes, is making a toilet-splash with its portrayal of legendary rocker Ozzy Osbourne and his misfit family--and television copycats are sure to follow. If we had it our way, here's what you could look forward to in the months to come:

The Baldwin Brothers: The gang's all here! Alec, Billy, Daniel and Stephen dish on the essentials of brotherly love, from bribing loud-mouth prostitutes to cold-cocking pesky tabloid photographers.

Just Martha: This is the Martha Stewart you haven't seen--disheveled and slovenly, chronically masturbating and estranged from every blood relative.

Mr. Greenspan Goes to Washington: Everyone's favorite Fed chair Alan Greenspan is a sexy beast on the prowl, and NBC news correspondent (and longtime girlfriend) Andrea Mitchell is the kitten who tames him.

Eighteen Is Enough: Rosie O'Donnell's partner and existing brood of kidlets struggle to keep the Queen of Nice from kidnapping stray children at Indigo Girls concerts and whole-foods markets.


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