The independent news organization of Duke University

Smackdown Light

Forget the WWF. To hell with the WCW. Stone Cold, Hulk Hogan, The Rock and every other meathead sucker in a Speedo can start packing, because the future of professional wrestling entertainment is making its way to the ring. Can you see it? No? Look downÉ

Ah, there it is. That's right, it's "midget wrestling," and it's every redneck's dream. In a stroke of exploitive genius, someone combined the zany antics of little people with the poetry-in-motion that is the world of pro wrestling. The result: fun, fun, fun--in a four-foot package!

Apparently, size doesn't matter, as these puny pugilists wage war, much to the delight of a hygienically challenged crowd. Actually, midget wrestling has been around longer than you think, even enjoying a place at Vince McMahon's World Wrestling Federation table for a period of time. Alas, fortune smiles upon us all again, as the sport's resurgence is being noticed Oround the world. Violent Midgets, an especially hard-core association, is flourishing thanks the talents of such notables as Skabbs, Midget D and our favorite, Puppet the Psycho Dwarf. Be very afraid--pint-size and pissed off is a deadly combination.

Could this be the wave of the future? Just picture this Pay-Per-View event--a hard-core-steel-cage-celebrity-ladder match featuring Fantasy Island's Tattoo pitted against TV's Webster. Who would win? Well, our money is on Emmanuel Lewis introducing HervZ Villechaize to "de pain, de pain!" once and for all.

Just don't call him short--he just might kick your ass.

--By David Walters


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