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The Slow and the Sedated

The Fast and the Furious is about cars. Fast cars. Big cars. Cars that go "vroooommm, vroooommm." With all the patience and thoughtfulness of a Limp Bitzkit video, seeing The Fast and the Furious will have you employing other, more fun f-words as you exit the theater. The film is uneven, dull and utterly cliched.

Vin Diesel, a.k.a. 10-pounds-of-muscle-in-a-5-pound-bag, plays Dominic, a ruthless antihero who drives a really, really fast car. Paul Walker, previously of the forgettable The Skulls, is undercover cop Brian Spindler. Walker is a blond cop, and hence totally unbelievable in his role. He drives a fairly fast car. Michelle Rodriguez, who was much better when she punched chicks in Girlfight, plays Dominic's girlfriend, Letty. She drives a semi-fast car.

Dominic is the mastermind behind a series of big-rig hijackings, his crew of wanna be gangsters is also in on the heists. Walker is trying to infiltrate and expose the thieves, in order to prevent a potential war between the truck-driving teamsters and the thieves. We, the audience, have the imposition of deciding whether we want to cheer for Spindler the punk narc, Dominic the lowlife thug or some renegade teamsters with automatic shotguns. Let's Go Hoffa!

On second thought, let's go home.

--By Martin Barna


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