Lexington, N.C. - For their fall break, the Grid Picks crew decided to spend fall break at the Wal-Mart in Lexington, N.C., in order to relive last April's three-hour, early-morning sojourn there.
Joel "ly Old Saint Nicholas" Israel went straight for the food counter, and began guzzling a bacon cheeseburger.
"Hey, it's only, like, Shemini Atzeret, or some unimportant Jewish holiday," he said. "It's not like I can't eat or anything."
Nick Tylwalk "Like an Egyptian" tragically slipped on the recently-mopped floor, whacking his head against a display of Thighmasters.
"Don't worry, guys," he said as he was carried off in a stretcher. "The ACC teleconference story will still get written. You know, the story writes itself."
"Please don't make me have to write a 50-inch volleyball feature again!" Mike "Silk Stal" King "s" yelled as Tylwalk was put into the ambulance.
"C'mon, King," Albert "and Ernie" Lee said. "You'd have written 50 inches anyway-that's what my psychic powers tell me. Predicting that Duke would beat Army was only the beginning. Wait, another one's coming: the '98 Final Four, we're down one late, Trajan's shooting the ball and..."
"Hey everyone!" Devin "a Pumpkin is a Type of" Gordon shouted. "They have SPF 1000 sunscreen! Now I might actually be able to leave the Chronicle office when I graduate."
Neophyte-of-the-week Laura Huang "over" wasn't the least bit interested in Gordon's discovery.
"Now that Lino's begun his downfall," she snarled, "it's time for me to step up my coup plan. Soon I'll be running DSG."
Carrie Fellrath "of Khan," meanwhile, was checking out Wal-Mart's rifles.
"You call this a gun?" she scoffed. "Why do you think I joined ROTC? To blow stuff up, of course. This just doesn't cut it."
Dave "the Tip of the Ice" Berger had tracked down Wal-Mart's manager and was giving him some tips.
"Hey, you don't need to thank me for the advice," he said. "I enjoy it."
Over in the pet section, Zach "Bette" Davis was eyeing the fish suspiciously.
"Are you sure they're not from Australia?" he asked the clerk. "I'd watch out if I were you. You never know when one of the li'l suckers will jump out and bite ya."
Yvonne "a Sex You Up" Krywyj ended up answering phones in the customer service department.
"Hello," she said. "This is Yvonne Krywyj, associate sports editor of the Chronicle, Duke junior, stalker of the men's soccer team and girlfriend of some med student, how may I help you?"
"Yvonne, get me Mike now or I'll throw you out the window," Jamal "How do They Get the White Stuff in the" Middle "of the Twinkie" brooks snapped. "I can't believe they left me behind. Especially since now I actually know where the spare tire on Mike's car is."
With FSU alums Derrick Brooks and Warrick Dunn too busy figuring out how they can make the Tampa Bay Bucs choke this year, Seminole senior "I Really Like to Eat Slim" Jim "s" O'Conner stepped in.
"Hey, Mike, I might be skinny and a drunk," he said, "but at least my football team's better than yours."
By Dean Smith
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