2008 Woodie Awards
Tickle me L-Mo
w.w.j.d
By: Dan Belzer
Issue date: 9/13/07 Section: Columns
Last update: 9/13/07 at 7:17 AM EST
Last update: 9/13/07 at 7:17 AM EST
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Actually that's a lie. I started out crutching, due to an unfortunate shredding of my ACL, and then convinced a Duke cop in a golf cart to give me a ride the rest of the way to the lot. Frankly, I didn't know what to expect. I had heard Tailgate had come back with a vengeance last year after the purported "end" to the tradition in the wake of the lacrosse scandal, but I guess I had to see it alive for myself before I could believe it.
Maybe study abroad and the passage of time had clouded my memory of this holy event that is undoubtedly the pinnacle of fun at Duke University, but I thought this year's first Tailgate was absolutely on par. What I encountered early that morning was an enormous mass of students reveling in traditional Tailgate fashion: in costume, dancing and fully inebriated.
The day was a complete success. I drank for joy before the game, and if my hazy memory serves me correct even encountered a full-size fire truck, complete with its very own fireman who by the way grills a delicious sirloin burger. Then I ventured into the stadium just in time to catch esteemed Coach Ted Roof's ingenious decision to insert our slower, backup quarterback to run 3 straight impotent QB sweeps. In order to prevent myself from completely losing my buzz-and possibly committing suicide-I left the game for the Belmont pool, where the fun only continued.
I awoke Sunday morning with only one thought; I hope to God nobody did anything to screw this up because it was amazing. That night, I got on my knees and prayed that I would not open up The Chronicle to read about a full-scale brawl or a student blowing lines in front of a cop or really anything except the headline "Tailgate SUCCESS!"
So much for religion.
Monday morning's Chronicle featured several invigorating-and by that I mean completely useless, frivolous and counterproductive-criticisms of Vice President for Student Affairs Larry Moneta's decision to bluff on IDing those suspected of underage drinking.
It truly boggled my mind. The usually fun-hating Moneta decided, for once, to tell a white lie to cover his rear in order to make it publicly appear that he would not support our desire to have Tailgate. In reality, his empty threats allowed the event to go on without more than a minor hiccup. The only thing the man deserved was a sloppy drunken kiss on the lips and a big thank you.
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