Two years, too nostalgic

As spring semester comes to a close, every class at Duke undergoes a certain set of realizations. The seniors realize that graduation is no longer a hypothetical goal, the juniors realize that they’re a year away from graduation, the sophomores realize that Duke is half-way over and the freshmen must deal with the fact that they’re not freshmen anymore.

As a sophomore, I was totally blind-sided when someone called me a “rising junior” the other day. I have access to calendars and watches and other time-tracking devices, so it really shouldn’t have been such a shocking revelation that this semester is coming to a close. There were many signs of spring such as the hordes of people coming for Blue Devil Days, the excitement over Old Duke and the discussion of final exams and papers in my classes. Of course, I chose to ignore all of them and have continued to live in blissful ignorance—hoping that I somehow won’t have to come to terms with reality.

But alas, reality has sunk in, and I have realized that when this semester is over, half of my Duke experience will be over with it. For some reason, that fills me with fear and anxiety. I don’t really know why, but I can’t imagine myself without Duke.

When I came to campus, I had this creeping sense of urgency. As a freshman, I believed that I had to quickly throw myself into the lifeblood of this University so I wouldn’t get lost. I had to take classes in areas I knew nothing about, join lots of clubs and organizations, make new friends and truly take advantage of everything Duke has to offer.

Now, as a rising junior I don’t want to rush anymore. I admit that the sense of urgency I brought to my first few semesters is the reason I was able to figure out what I wanted to major in and what I was passionate about. But now I just want to have some time to soak in all of those things. I’ve realized how fast it all goes, and I don’t want to rush into figuring out what my life is working toward; I just want to stay here and enjoy it now. It’s funny that I feel the pressure of Duke ending so acutely, especially since my junior and senior friends always tell me how much time I have and how lucky I am.

While my desperation over the idea of leaving Duke may seem to indicate I have nothing but love for this great institution, there are certainly some caveats. After two years I have experienced enough on campus to know that Duke isn’t perfect. As an institution, we have a lot of growth to do. However, I think that part of being a student is accepting that you are a part of something bigger than just yourself and learning that we as students shape our university to be what we want.

Finishing sophomore year is bittersweet. On one hand, I am blown away by how much I have had the chance to grow. I’ve met the most driven, accomplished and caring people. I’ve taken classes from brilliant and humble professors. I’ve found academic areas that I am genuinely excited about. I’ve explored Durham and Duke and made myself a home. On the other hand, I know that I have just two more years to soak all of this in. I am terrified at the prospect of not being here around these amazing people. I am scared that without Duke, I will lose a core piece of my identity and my passion.

The good news is that I have two more years. While we can’t slow down time, we can certainly be thoughtful about how we want to spend our Duke experience. I have wasted weeks at a time, where I didn’t get lunch with the people I should have or stayed in the library longer than was really necessary. The chance to appreciate and soak in Duke really comes from your mindset. I will take this as a reminder to continue to appreciate what I have here and to build on the connections and relationships that make Duke so special to me.