What is most heart breaking is not necessarily an event that takes place during real-time. More often than not, it is the thoughts associated with such events that hurt the worst.
It is the waiting period. It is the wondering period. It is the fear of the unknown. It is this crippling sense that all your energies have gone to waste. I call this limbo. Being a human with absolutely zero patience, this category of time is a personal hell. When I am completely convinced of something I want, I tend to go right after it immediately, an all-in approach of sorts.
Thus, one is often thrust into said limbo as a result of placing energies into something that has yet to actualize.
The waiting game can take many forms, whether it be waiting to hear back about a job inquiry, a lover, a health status or even a lost dog. There is in fact a common thread underlying each: fear of the unknown.
While it feels the absolute worst in the moment, when looking back on those events years down the road, more likely than not, you will realize why the it couldn’t happen when you wanted it. Again, in hindsight, I recognize the reasons for each major and minor event in my life. Perhaps it is a coping mechanism, perhaps it is the cosmos; whatever the reason, I can justify with the help of my journaling habits why some goals actualized while others stayed dormant.
Other than the fear of the unknown, which can be extremely debilitating, the limbo period is full of feelings of inadequacy. These feelings include, but are not limited to, longings for something or someone you do not have in real time. The general internal narrative being, I am not good enough, but if I had (insert desire of your choice), then my life would be perfect, complete and livable.
In addition to waiting for efforts to actualize, seeing those very efforts falter can throw you into limbo. Perhaps you were put into limbo because you were broken up with, your family member passed away, you did not get your dream job or your grad school turned down your perfect application. However you got back to your idea of square one, there are ways to shift out of this limbo and make it more active and breathable.
I call this my three-step plan, a plan that I am creating as I am sitting in a café experiencing a personal limbo in real time (the waiting for a love interest type: the worst!).
Part one: plant seeds. These seeds are goals that you know cannot actualize in the present moment. Plant the seed and add water to it over time. Instead of exhausting your entire being and energy into one of these types of goals, put a bit of energy into it every day to keep it alive. Perhaps it will actualize in a month, perhaps in five years. Regardless, if it is a dream close to your heart, do not keep it in impossible mode if you cannot see it in the present or even in the near present. Rather, work at it every day. Bit by bit.
Part two: short term goals or lower hanging fruit goals. They can also be long term goals that you planted years ago; suddenly actualizing without reason. If it feels right, go for it. It might take a bit of courage to actually obtain said goal, but if it is in front of you, it is not there by accident.
Part three: learning that there is really no limbo period at all. There aren’t actually these periods where the universe locks you in a cage and takes away all of your power, just to make you wait for the next job offer to come to your door, the next soulmate to cross your path, or your missing dog (who may have been hit by a car died already) to return to your clutches.
The limbo period is simple yet complex, a terrible mindset. It is a lens that uses the mechanism of fear. The more you sit and wait for things to actualize, the more you will find that the life you want is not the life that you are living. Being an active participant in the life that you want and the life you believe in your deepest heart you deserve can be strenuous and painful. It is not a straight shot and there are always ways around the word no. Try viewing roadblocks and rejections as nudges or suggestions. Keep in mind, nothing really worth obtaining feels worthy without a substantial effort and fight to get it.
The fight is real. There is competition amongst other people who want to live out a similar dream, and there are negative feelings associated with perceived failures. Essentially, limbo, rejection or whatever your language calls it provides a million reasons why you shouldn’t do x,y,z or any other letter in the alphabet.
So as I sit in this café waiting for my hometown heart-throb, I attempt to practice what I preach by putting to ease my what if thoughts. I try to embrace the unknown because a predictable life, while comfortable, is not the life that I have ever wanted. I recognize that the greatest seeds that have actualized in my life came completely out of left field. They were seeds that I planted consciously and even unconsciously, emerging when the timing was apparently the right one. Lastly, I attempt to combine intellect and emotion by integrating a revolutionary concept, patience, into my routine.
I close with some wise words provided by the oh-so brilliant Rolling Stones, “You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes well you might find. You get what you need.”
Trust the Process, Catherine.
Catherine White a Trinity senior. Her column runs on alternate Thursdays.
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