One of the most challenging and equally rewarding aspects of studying abroad is that it challenged me to truly understand, and not just imagine, what it would be like to live in someone else’s shoes. In other words, to practice the art of empathy.
Last year, author Leslie Jamison came to Duke to talk about her about her book “The Empathy Exams.” The book is a collection of essays in which she recounts her experiences both receiving and giving empathy and the way in which it has impacted her interactions with others. Like many talks I have been to at Duke, I left inspired and motivated to be more intentional about empathizing over sympathizing with others. However, with passing time, I became less aware about my intentions. Only when I got to Salvador, Brazil, for my semester abroad did Jamison’s words once again resonate with me.
During my three and a half months in Brazil, I was immersed in the culture and in the lives of the people I lived with during my homestay. I stayed with a working class family who had little exposure to Americans. Most of what they knew about American culture was based on media representations. Thus, an essential part of my experience abroad became exchanging ideas, language, traditions and beliefs with my host family, asking each other the questions of how and why. In doing so, these exchanges allowed us to put ourselves in each other’s situations and see the world from the eyes of the other.
This was integrated into our daily lives. I participated in their typical weekend activities. We went on walks in our neighborhood. We cooked together; they cooked for me and I cooked for them. We went to the beach together weekly. I taught my host mom some English and she helped me improve my Portuguese. I met their friends; they met mine. I learned about their family’s history. I heard about their proudest moments and their greatest fears.
I also witnessed, in the present, their interactions with others shaped, in many ways, by their identities, especially in regards to gender, race, sexual orientation and religion. By better understanding, through immersing myself, my host-mom’s experience as a black woman practicing the prosecuted Afro-Brazilian religion of Candomblé, for example, I became keenly aware of some of the struggles she faced. Then I became committed to doing my part to fight them—with her.
Leaving Brazil, I have a deeper appreciation for how understanding others’ unique experiences—that is, experiences other than our own—allows us to be more interconnected. From this, I began to think about how I would apply it back to my life at Duke.
I would sum it up with one word: empathy. I learned three valuable lessons from empathy and how it impacts the way in which I engage with the world around me:
1. Empathy is different from sympathy. Merriam Webster defines empathy as “the feeling that you understand and share another person's experiences and emotions: the ability to share someone else's feelings.” It involves, first, seeing someone else’s situation, from their perspective, and, second, sharing in their situation. In the past, I have often used sympathy and empathy interchangeably. But a key difference exists between them. Whereas empathy is sharing in his or her feelings from the other person’s perspective, sympathy is from your own perspective. That is not to say that sympathy is not important but rather that it is not always enough.
2. Empathy is necessary for respect. In order to disagree, we must first understand someone else’s perspective. Taking the time to first put yourself in the other person’s shoes and then share in his or her feelings of joy or distress despite our own perspective is key to respecting others and our community. It’s not enough to simply disagree or agree—we must give ourselves the chance to see where the other is coming from and why.
3. Empathy is a choice. It isn’t just something that happens to us. It’s something we do to pay attention, to extend ourselves. Jamison summarizes it well: “The act of choosing simply means we’ve committed ourselves to a set of behaviors greater than the sum of our individual inclinations.” Being intentional about empathizing is not as natural as it might seem, but it is something we can all do.
While I was reminded of the importance of empathy during my time abroad, I certainty did not have to go to Brazil to practice empathy. We can and should do this right here, in small ways, on a daily basis. We have this tendency to separate ourselves from experiences that are not our own on campus in a large part because we feel they are not our battles to fight. But one of the most important things I was reminded of in Brazil is that empathy is a building block for strong communities.
We owe it to ourselves and to each other to see the world from where the other person stands.
So go ahead, try on someone else’s shoes and be open to someone else trying yours on. What we learn may surprise us.
Sofia Stafford is a Trinity junior. Her column runs on alternate Wednesdays.
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