Listen close

There has been a great deal of discourse and dialogue on campus lately. Between President Brodhead’s forum, the defacement of the Black Lives Matter poster, racial events unfolding on campuses across the United States, the death threat towards a LGBTQ+ student and the painting of “Black Lives Matter” on the James B. Duke statue, it feels as though race relations are very much on everyone’s mind. These incidents have occurred against the backdrop of several racially charged incidents across the country causing a storm of discussions about race at Duke and beyond. As parties launch into extensive discussions about their feelings and opinions, I have watched closely, hoping to see if this rise in dialogue about race will work towards creating greater progress.

These incidents, which threaten minority students and often make them feel unsafe, have sparked very passionate but alienating responses from community members. Time and time again, minority students on this campus express their anger, frustration and even fear. It’s important to note that students who have felt marginalized have always been open about sharing their emotions and organizing community gatherings and meetings. This is not an issue of people failing to stand up for themselves or voice their opinions.  So why then are we, as a campus and a country, struggling so much to reach across this divide? Why do we continue to fail over and over in making minority students feel safe and accepted in their own universities, especially given the tremendous amount of dialogue and conversations we seem to be having about race? Why doesn’t the student body communicate better with each other across various boundaries and self-created pockets? Why are we struggling so much to bridge the barrier of systemic racism?

I don’t have the answers to these questions. I’m not sure that any of us do. However, I do have an idea of where we should start: listening. It’s almost ironic to have forums and talk about respectful “dialogue” when these conversations just become outlets for people to share their feelings to deaf ears.

The truth is that we can talk and share and write all day, but if no one is going to honestly reflect and internalize these ideas, real progress will be hard to come by. Listening is ultimately learning, and if we want to make Duke better, then we must all resist the urge to add our opinion to the mix and be honest.

It may seem that we should all be incredible listeners, given how much emphasis we put on listening when we were in grade school. However, listening is somewhat of a lost art. We are constantly taught how to formulate responses and aggressively stand up for our own thoughts, but in doing so we have lost the ability to listen.

The charge to listen isn’t as easy or simple as it may sound. I’ve caught myself responding instead of listening several times this semester. When the James B. Duke statue in front of the chapel was painted with the words “Black Lives Matter,” I remember listening to two of my friends debating that anonymous person’s action. One of my friends was frustrated with the person’s decision to remain anonymous, saying that painting the statue was more harmful than helpful because it was disrespectful and didn’t help to promote racial equality. My other friend argued that the painting of the statue represented the oppression of black students on campus who felt that their voices weren’t respected by Duke. They both went back and forth sharing their opposing ideologies, and while their conversation was respectful and calm, neither seemed to be making progress until things got so tense that everyone fell into an awkward silence. Somehow that awkward silence turned into a reflective silence and one of my friends piped up and said, “I’d never really thought about the graffiti as a way to express your voice to your institution. I guess if that’s what the phrase means to you, then it actually makes a lot of sense.” In response, the other person said, “And actually I do think that painting on the main statue isn’t the most productive way to communicate, but I actually appreciate that you listened.”

Just a few seconds of silence that allowed each party to actually internalize the words that the other person was saying made a momentous difference. We went from a long, tense conversation to a quiet, more engaged discussion in just a few seconds. I’d even argue that our conversation made us all better Dukies who were more prepared to engage in discussions about race and actually listen.

Yes, we are missing empathy and productive discussion and a willingness to create safe spaces for minority students. But we are also allowing pockets of our campus and our society to suffer in silence by turning a deaf ear and “engaging” in conversations that are really just vacuums for opinions and ideas. The only way to absorb these ideas and be connected to one another on the authentic, real level we strive for is to do one thing: listen.