Monday Monday: Freshman chooses not to read "The Very Hungry Caterpillar"

satire, probably

Debate continues to rage on campus over one freshman’s choice not to read his class’ assigned summer reading, Eric Carle’s “The Very Hungry Caterpillar.”

Writing in The Washington Post, freshman Zach Stuman explained that he could not read the work on account of the objectionable images it contained.

“After researching the book and reading a small portion of it, I chose not to complete the assignment. My choice had nothing to do with the difficult themes presented within the book but instead the cartoons used to convey them. For those that do not know, ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’is a graphic novel that focuses on one caterpillar who, in a bid to deal with life’s emptiness, eats a number of items, including one salami and one other not-explicitly-identified sausage product.”

“My Salsiccian belief is that the act of eating cured Italian sausages is sacred and not something that should be devalued by public ogling. My belief extends to depictions of salami eating in popular culture and even within Renaissance art. I am well aware that my ethics make me an oddity on campus and even among many other practicing Salsiccians. However, my interpretation of the scriptures lead me firmly to believe that the experience of being in the numinous presence of glorious Italian sausage should just be between you, your salami and Sausage Jesus.”

“I would like to add that I am not opposed to other opinions and viewpoints. I have recently become friends with a caterpillar, so you can see that it is not a lack of openness or a dislike of the Lepidoptera larvae community in general that drives my actions.”

Writing for The Chronicle in a column entitled “JUST READ IT YOU BIGOTED ...,” senior Zach Lin accused Stuman of close-mindedness.

“He says it’s about the images of salami, but it is clear that Stuman is just uncomfortable reading a piece written from the perspective of an insect.”

“College isn’t a place you come to be molly-coddled, which is why reading ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’ is so symbolically important. The novel centers around one caterpillar who, sensing the ultimate void of meaning within life, goes on a nihilistic rampage destroying the pantry of a poor family. At the end of the novel (spoilers), the caterpillar, profiting from its violence, is transformed into ‘a beautiful butterfly.’ By depicting this unrepentant destroyer in a heroic light, Carle forces his audience to question their understandings of right and wrong and good naturally winning out over evil.”

“It is an uncomfortable book to read, that’s for sure. I myself find these brutal ideas hard to consider. But refusing to read ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’ as a knee-jerk reaction to its content is, frankly, childish. Stuman is like a kid in a high chair, tossing away Dr. Seuss’s ‘Green Eggs and Ham’ without even briefly entertaining its notions of existential angst. Such behavior has no place at an institution as open-minded and unbiased as Duke, which is why he must be silenced.”

The Chronicle took to the quad to get some student perspectives on the controversy.

“It’s all just more of this fascist liberal PC politics,” said sophomore Luke Tailer. “The left is trying to shut down this one kid for expressing an opinion that doesn’t match their dogma. All these progressives are rushing to attack him as a Salsiccian – but you just know that if he were a Muslim they’d let him privately eat all the sausages he’d want. Which, like, I guess would be none. But still.”

“I agree, he’s gonna have a difficult time at Duke if he can’t deal with the kind of stuff in that book,” said junior Laura Jones. “He’s a global health major, right? What if one day he like, has to study caterpillar-caused salami blight in southern Italy? It comes up a lot. I’ve taken at least two classes that have had that as an overarching theme, and I’m a comp sci major.”

In other news, 700 students in the Class of 2019 today published a joint letter in The New York Times also titled “Here’s why I refused to read ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’.” The letter says only the word “Laziness.”

Monday Monday would like to propose the script for the "Minions" movie as the Class of 2020’s summer reading.

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