Hope you remember to put on your “three-goggles” before taking this quiz.

Editor’s note: Unfortunately, our newspaper doesn’t come equipped with GIF-playing abilities. So we simply described the GIFs in words as best we could. For example, since we’re saying sorry about our inability to show GIFs, even though we didn’t do anything to really warrant an apology at this point…

**Insert GIF of Tobias Funke twisting in his bathrobe, with white text superimposed saying “Excuuuussseeee Meeeeeeee”**

1. What’s Your Favorite Movie?

  • We Are Marshall
  • Boyz n the Hood
  • Semi-Pro
  • Thor(nton)

2. If you had one superpower, what would it be?

  • Incredible sniping ability
  • Superhuman strength
  • Selflessness (like passing, lol)
  • Taking a charge

**Insert GIF of a puppy for no reason**

3. Why are you at Duke University?

  • Everyone in my family went here
  • I can do one thing better than anyone else in the country
  • I transferred from a worse school
  • I take charges

4. What’s a pet peeve of yours?

  • When I can’t take 10 threes a game
  • When I can’t take 10 threes a game
  • When I can’t take 10 threes a game
  • When I can’t take 10 charges a game

**Insert GIF of Karl Hess skipping across the floor signaling a block**

5. Which Sex and the City cast member do you identify with?

  • Samantha
  • Charlotte
  • Miranda
  • I’m totally a Carrie
  • Mr. Big

6. What do you want your legacy to be when you leave Duke?

  • I made people laugh, sometimes on purpose
  • Remember that one time I did that thing? That was awesome
  • Legacy? I’m leaving in, like, two months, bro

**Insert GIF of Community’s Annie Edison dropping the mic and walking out**

7. How would Dick Vitale describe you?

  • “He’s a diaper dandy!!!”
  • “He’s a PTP-er!!!”
  • “He’s awesome with a capital-A!!!”
  • “[Thirty seconds of just unintelligible noise]”

8. There’s 10 seconds on the clock—your team has the ball, down by two. What does coach tell you to do?

  • Shoot a three
  • Pass the ball to the first guy to shoot a three
  • For Pete's sake, why are you shooting?
  • Stay on the bench

**Insert GIF of George Michael’s sad Charlie Brown walk**

9. If you weren’t a basketball player, what would you be?

  • Comedian
  • Just generally good at everything
  • Security guard, or something that required me to hold back hoards of excited people

10. Are you currently a member of the Duke men’s basketball team?

  • Yes
  • No

If yes, what is your name? ________

Congratulations, you are the person whose name you just wrote above. Don’t know why you needed a quiz to figure that out, but hey... to each his own.

**Insert that one GIF from Citizen Kane with the guy clapping seriously in the dark theater, with, like, a super serious look on his face**

If no... well, did you seriously expect that to change? Was this quiz ever going to put you on the Duke basketball team? How much time did you waste just now?

Really? Wow.

**Insert GIF of Kristen Wiig making some sort of face or something**

But seriously, you’re not on the team. At least this wasn't as completely pointless as the "Which Duke basketball player do you hate?" quiz.

In footer: Be sure to rate this quiz as LOL or win or omg