Dr. Phil and the Gothic Wonderland

After having the most successful launch of a syndicated talk show since mentor Oprah, Dr. Phil has, like many other TV shows, decided to pay the Gothic Wonderland a visit. Recess snuck into the filming of this very special episode and managed to record these excerpts:

Dr. Phil: I'm here at Duke University telling these whiny college students to GET REAL. I'm giving wake up calls on today's Ask Dr. Phil Day. Our first guest wants to know how to stop eating at the 'Dillo because he is losing friends from the excessive gas. Welcome.

Stinky Devil: Hi, Dr. Phil. I can't seem to...

What kind of pay-off are you getting from your long days at the 'Dillo? Because you wouldn't be doin' it if you weren't gettin' something from it. Am I right? (Audience applauds)

Well, I get full. There's food, and I can watch sports there. They have bands now, too.

Are you willing to do this? Because you're not getting real. That's what we do here. What's the pay-off? (Audience applauds)

(Breaking down in tears) Now that I'm at college, I'm so afraid of rejection. I just want to know my friends are genuine, and I thought if I smelled bad all the time, my friends would really like me for me. (Camera shows members of audience in tears because they feel his pain)

Now, you don't need to go to school for 15 years to know that smelling bad isn't a way to meet anyone...

Right. So then why am I on the show?

Like all of my guests, you can't see the forest for the trees so you come on my show to be shown the light....

So basically your show is pointless. I could go to anyone on campus and get this advice...

Right, but I have 15 years of specialized training...

You just said you didn't need it! (Audience sits in stunned silence)

Well, on to our next... (Audience applauds).